Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking
tw: abuse, rape, suicide attempt, self-harm
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Briar's POV:
Do you ever have that feeling when something bad is going to happen to you after your already hurt? My heart broke.... 8 years ago. It all happened when i arrived to rehearse my solo for Regionals
----- Flashback -----
( age 10 ) I was going to the music room to rehearse a solo i was given to perform at The Absolute Regionals 2010. I already choreographed it, which took 5 minutes. Myles was supposed to meet me in the music room to give some critique and vice versa. Me and him were the youngest people on A-Troupe, since we did 2 years baby ballet and 6 years J-Troupe, then we skipped B-Troupe and landed spots in A.
I'm just outside and i hear moaning. I thought it would be a Trittany makeout scene ( they're 17 in the book, so it's legal, its not like it's mature ), but i was wrong. I saw Abi and Myles ( Abi is 13 and Myles is 11. Myles is 2 months older than Briar ). It hurt me A LOT since i have a crush on him, but true Myles style, he's too oblivious to even consider it.
I didn't stay, i ended up in Studio A, dancing an improve solo to ' The Clock Is Ticking ' ( in TNS season 4 vol 2 or 1 album ). I poured all my emotions in it, and i could hear sniffling and clapping. Trevor, Brittany and Shelby saw my solo. I couldn't bottle my feelings any longer. I collapsed onto the ground, landing in my middle splits balling my eyes out having Shelby comforting me. I explained everything and Trevor looked like he was going to punch him. I ended up stopping him and cutting off all ties with him. I only kept in touch with his family, but I only ever talked to Tyson, his older brother ( age 13 ), Kingsley ( age 8 ) and his parents.
----- Flashback ends -----
That night, my dad cheated on my mum. this went on for 10 months until i found out that the lady dad had an affair on, he got her pregnant and she already gave birth to their child. I ended up telling my mum and ever since, my dad has abused me, raped me and left me to starve.
Im too afraid of turning my dad in. What if he breaks out and gets revenge on me, or worse?
everyone has seen how sad I've become, but Myles, Dylan, Logan and Abi don't care.
Should i kill myself? My dad says im a waste of space, my ' friends ' only care about me when im sad and i dont want to start on dance and messages. Ive already started cutting, so this should be easy.
----- Time Skip - 3 months -----
It took a lot of guts but, im killing myself today. Ive had to distance myself from everyone so it makes my job leaving this place much easier. Since i own a key to the studio, i came at 12am and left a letter for them. Explaining what im going to do.
6 hours later and people would be arriving at the studio. I know that everyone starts rehersal at 8 so that gives me time to get dressed nicely when i kill myself. I decided on a grey T-Shirt with some ombre mint green and pastel pink going through with some black denim shorts, a black bomber jacket and my favourite leather ankle boots that i got for my 16th 2 years ago from Trevor, Shelby and Brittany.
7:59am. People would be stretching now. I guess they haven't seen the letter yet. I decided to send the texts.
8:00am. Ive sent the texts and im in my bathroom slicing my wrists letting all my blood run freely from my ams, wrists, stomach and legs onto the white tiles. Before i blacked out, i used ll my remaining strength to swallow a bunch of sleeping pills which will kill me. My eyes started closing and i fell into a land of darkness
