Fall in love with me (BTS x Jin)

Chapter 6

WARNING: It talks about Namjoon's past and things like suicide.If you're passing by hard stuff, please don't think of suicide as an option.
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NAMJOON'S POV

"Jin?, is that you?" I couldn't help it, I started crying. I knew Jin was in Seoul, that's why I came here, but having him in front of me was way worse than I thought, I felt like a horrible person.

I felt as if I was just like everyone else

" Namjoon get the f*ck off!, he's had enough of you" Yoongi said getting in front of Jin, as if he wanted to protect him.

" I-I'm s-sorry" I can't stop crying and I feel pathetic, he is the victim, not me, he's the one who suffered, not me. Jin is just looking down but I know he's trying to hold back his tears, because that's what he used to do when I bullied him.

At that moment I just wanted to run away and pretend I never did what I did. But I went to Seoul to find Seokjin, and I knew I wouldn't have the guts to tell him what I wanted so I wrote him a letter. The last letter I would give him.

I pretended to fall and I put the letter inside of Jin's pocket, he didn't noticed and Yoongi just sweared at me for falling. Then, I started running and I left the place, I had already given him the letter, I just needed to fulfill what I wrote in it.

JIN'S POV

After the long walk, we returned to my apartment and I told Yoongi to leave so he could rest. We had school tomorrow and we couldn't skip it again.

It was cold and I was shivering so I decided to put one of my hands inside my pocket, I felt a piece of paper and I decided to take it out. It looked horribly familiar, it was the same handwriting , I didn't know if I should read it.

What if Namjoon was planning to bully me again?

I wanted to throw the paper in to the trash and forget about it, but something was telling me that it was important . I slowly started to read it...

"
Hey Seokjin,

I'm not sure if you're going to read this, but I hope you do.

Please read this until the end. This letter will be longer than my usual letters, but I guess it makes sense because I'll basically tell you the story of my life.

My childhood was great, I had a decent amount of friends, I had a family, I didn't care about grades or money and I was basically just like every other kid. But once I started growing up, I had to face the real world. When I was a kid I used to spend everyday with my grandmother and I loved it, she was always nice to me, and she would console me when I was sad. I hardly ever saw my parents but I thought it was because they were always working.

Some years passed by and I started to miss my parents more, I loved my grandma but I wanted to have a paternal figure. I felt like adolescence sucked, I felt stupid because I knew my parents needed to work so I could go to a good school and have a great future, but even if I sounded egoistic, I wished that my parents spent more time with me.

When I turned 16 my grandma convinced my parents to go to my birthday party. I was very excited and happy. But when they arrived and they started drinking, things started to go down the hill, it seemed like my mom had been cheating on my dad, and that day when my mom went to the bathroom and my father picked up a call from her phone, he realized it.

My father went crazy, he was very drunk and angry. He started throwing things at my mom and they started fighting, my grandma told me to go upstairs and I did as I was told. I don't really know what happened, but the only thing I know is that when I woke up the next morning, my father was in jail and my grandma was dead.

My mom started doing drugs, she would mistreat me and hit me while blaming me about everything that happened, she used to say it was my fault my grandma was dead because my egoistic self wanted my parents to go to my birthday. Until one day she committed suicide in front of my eyes, and her last words were 'this is all your fault'. I would tell you more about how everything happened but I don't want to scare you more than I already do.

I never talked about my family at school and I didn't feel bad about it, because even if I got depression because of it, I always tried to think it wasn't a big deal 'because everyone had their own demons' . Everyone did wrong things, everyone was bad, everyone was evil. Everyone hated someone and everyone was hated by someone. But not you, you were always happy and trying to help, everyone loved you, there weren't any rumors about you, I envied you. You were everything I couldn't be. You were the perfect proof that there was something better than evil. And I couldn't believe it. I thought you were lying, I thought you were just a hypocrite trying to look like an angel. I thought you were just another demon trying to hide your evil.

I still can't believe that you aren't like the others, but I need to apologize because even if I can't believe it, I can't proof you're evil. I know you won't forgive me, but I still want to apologize, and I want you to know that all the other letters I wrote for you, weren't actually for you, the things I wrote and the things I said you were things I wanted to say to myself but I couldn't.

Because I'm just like everyone else, I'm just another demon, I'm not an angel. But even if I know I can't kill other demons , I know I can kill one, and that one is me.

Today I'll be killing myself in the Han river at 3 am. Thank you for reading this Seokjin, this is the last letter I'll be giving you."

It was already 2:50 am
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Thank you for reading! I hope it wasn't very boring.

I love you and don't worry, soon you will have chapters full of fluff 💕💕

OML! I just saw the reads and this book already has 1.6k views! I'm happy because it is my first book. Thank you so much!