numb •jjk+kth•

04

I ran home after that, like a coward. I suppose my family is full of cowards.

Jungsung and I always thought our parents were cowards and I guess they thought the same about Jungsung now...

I barricaded myself in my apartment, wallowing in my pity with a hole in my chest.

What the fuck was happening to me?

Why was I now deciding to feel?

I lay on the sofa in the weak afternoon light the next day, hand up in my hair as I stared at the ceiling.

I wanted to go back to not feeling anything - at least that way was peaceful. I'd not slept once again, my mind in unrest as it refused to stop talking. I wanted the silence back.

I wasn't angry at him anymore. I was more sad that he didn't talk to me about it. The weight on my chest was crushing loneliness.

My eyes fell on the blue cap that was on the table in front of me. I'd ran off not realising it was still on my head. My left arm fell sideways, off the edge of the sofa and my fingers brushed the edge of the cap.

I hated that it reminded me of Jungsung and I now hated how it reminded me of Taehyung. I'd not known him long but the pull he had on me was unbearable. I had wanted to be his friend as he genuinely seemed to like me, but that would probably change once he'd found out I was gay and a freak. I just saved us wasting time. At least that was what I was trying to convince myself.

I didn't feel alone when I was with him...

I felt tired and hungry, I'd not eaten all day and I still hadn't bought food. I rolled off the sofa and pulled my jeans on as well as a red t-shirt that lay on the chair. I would just take a walk, that used to help before. I can get some food and I can go back to not feeling. That's what I needed, I decided in my head as I pulled on my boots and grabbed my jacket as I opened the door.

"Ahhh!" I yelled and jumped back, falling hard on my ass. My eyes pinned to Kim Taehyung who was stood in the doorway, his hand held up looking like he was about to knock on my door. He was wearing dark Doc Martens, rolled up jeans and a denim jacket along with a black beanie. 

"Ahh...what the fuck!" I panted and flopped back on the floor, holding my heart. He hadn't even flinched.

"Hi Kook!" He beamed and lowered his arm. "Thank god I finally found your apartment, you have a lot of angry people in this building." He breathed and leant against my door frame, looking down at me.

"W-what?" I breathed, confused and stood. My mind thought now was a good time to debate on whether Taehyung looked better in a cap, beanie or no hat. They all looked so good. "You've been knocking around trying to find me?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Yep." Taehyung nodded.

Does this guy have nothing better to do? Maybe he doesn't  have any friends whatsoever...

"Are you going out? Where are you going?" He asked as I stepped out of my apartment, shutting the door behind me and pulled out my wallet to see if I had any cash.

"You are a puppy. What's it to you anyway? Why are you here?" I asked, feeling a bit annoyed. I purposely pushed him away yesterday against everything I wished and he was still here.

"I was bored. I waited out on the street for a while but then I realised it's Saturday so you wouldn't be walking from school so I wandered around for a bit and then I was back here before I realised it. I missed you so I thought I'd find you." Taehyung said quickly, falling in step next to me as I walked down the stairs onto the street.