A New Kind of Life (A Supernatural Fan Fiction)

The Long Drive

Sam's POV

 

I silently cursed Crowley. I stood in front of the flames, but he wasn't popping in. He'd abandoned me and Dean, not that I expected any different from him. I wrung my hands, sweat dripping from them. Dean was dead again and I didn't know how to get him back. Pacing back and forth, rage started building inside of me. I needed something. Someone. Anything. I had nothing again, and I didn't know who or what I was supposed to run to. I had nothing this time. Dean was everything. I had a sick need for him, this unhealthy, sick relationship. But now I didn't have him again. I just wasn't sure anymore.

Suddenly, my hands were curled tightly around a chair that was sitting in the corner. I didn't remember how I'd gotten there, holding it with all of my might, shaking. But before I knew it, there was a loud crash and there was glass shattered everywhere. The chair was no longer in my grasp, but instead it was sitting outside. I'd thrown it out the window in a fit of rage. Not unlike me, I suppose, but I didn't care. I wanted Dean back and I didn't know how to get him.

So what now? 

Hatred welling up inside of me, I fell against the wall, tears coming unwillingly. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to forget the fact that my brother, the only family I had left, was dead. I wanted to go back to hunting, go back to when things were simpler. I missed the simple, happier days. But there was no going back to that kind of life. I couldn't even begin to think of going back or moving on or anything. I had responsibilities. I had to ensure that Metatron was dead for all that he'd done, all the pain he'd caused. I needed to make sure that Cas was okay. He and I never shared a profound bond, but I needed to make sure that he was still okay. He was my responsibility now... I couldn't go back to just saving people and hunting things...

Not without Dean.

I let a small sob escape my throat, pounding a fist up against the wall. I ran my hands down my face as I turned my back to the wall, pressing myself up against it as I slid to the floor. I buried my face into my knees, feeling utterly hopeless. Dean was always all I had. The only dad that I ever really had was Bobby, but I couldn't even call him now because he was dead too. Everybody I had was dead. All I had left was Cas, but he was busy with Heaven. I had no one now.

"Hello, Sam." A gruff, familiar voice said.

I looked up and saw Castiel standing in front of me, his face looking more sullen and desperate than usual. He knew. I knew that he knew just by the look on his face. Cas loved Dean, Dean being possibly the only person that Cas could love. I didn't know if he really loved him, like the way I loved Jess, but I knew that there was at least a brotherly love there. It wasn't like the unhealthy need that I shared with Dean, or I used to share with him, but it was a mutual want. They could go on without each other, but I knew that neither of them wanted to. It was a much better relationship than what Dean and I had. It wasn't a sick need, but a want. 

"He's in his room, if you want to see him." I replied weakly, my voice shaking.

"I came to see you, Sam. I wanted you to at least know that Metatron is locked away and Heaven is in order again. Kevin is no longer in the Veil. I thought this may be important to you." Cas informed.

"You know what happened, though." 

"I am aware. Metatron informed me. I..."'

"Why didn't you kill him?" 

"Because... I..."

"He killed my brother. He deserves to die."

Cas sat down next to me. For once in his life, he didn't stand rigidly, like a soldier. He sat down like a normal person. He slouched over his knees, sitting like a normal human being and not the soldier that he was created to be, not the soldier that he constantly insisted that he was. Maybe his time as a human had changed him some. It, of course, certainly seemed like he'd changed. For the better, I think. 

"I know that he deserves to die. Dean was my friend. My best friend. But I am dying. I think that Metatron could be the key to retrieving my Grace. But... My keeping him alive does not mean that I show any mercy. I do not. I hate him as much as you do, if not more. He almost destroyed my home, Sam... But if he is what I need to I need to stay alive... Then I think keeping him alive for now is the smarter decision." Cas tried to explain.

"He killed Dean." I whispered, that being all that I could get out.

"I know." 

He slung his arm around me, hugging me. And for the first time, it wasn't awkward.

 

 

 

 

Dean's POV

 

 

 

I jammed the key into the ignition and she started up, purring. That sound was always soothing to me, always had been. It meant that we had finished a case and we'd stopped something very bad. Or it meant that we were off to find some other monster to kill. But now it was all tangled in with the screams of the people who I cared about, and the appeal wasn't there anymore. It was just a lot of extra noise that I didn't like. 

"You know, we can just zap anywhere in the world now, right? No need to drive." Crowley pointed out.

"We're driving." I just hissed back in reply. 

Crowley didn't say anything in reply, much to my relief. My hands tightened around the wheel, but it didn't feel the same. Normally, I'd start playing some classic rock. But now, everything just sounded like extra noise. I pressed the gas and sped down the long gravel trail until we were on the paved road again, cruising down it. It didn't feel the same as it had, much to my hatred, but I ignored it. I ignored everything but the road. I ignored Crowley and his witty remarks. I ignored  my thoughts of Sam and how I knew that he was going to be angry when he found that I got up and left. I ignored the screams from the Pit. I ignored the fact that I had left Cas and Heaven behind me. 

I just ignored everything.

My life is just a crapstorm. That is all. There's nothing but pain and crap and demons and angels and monsters. I have been chasing after the monsters that go bump in the night for as long as I can remember, ever since I was just a little kid. As I drove, my hands tightening around the wheel and my eyes flicking black, I was just wishing that one of those monsters had taken my life, dragging my soul to the land of the dead, before I had the chance to become one of them. As it had been said in Batman... You either die a hero...

Or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Dear God, I didn't want to be the villain.

"I know that you are... Angry with me. But I have information that may make up for that. I know where Metatron is. And you can kill him. Believe me, I want him dead too. More than most people." Crowley said.

"Why are you suddenly helping me?" I asked, ignoring what he was saying.

"Because we have a connection."

"You know, you used to be the villain. Now you're the weird family member nobody likes."

"Wonderful."

"How do you know where he is?"

"I just do, okay?"

"How?"

"I... Found a way to hack angel radio. Now drive."