New Start

Part 18

Alex curled up on her sofa with a hot chocolate, glad to be home. It had been a long, awkward drive, mostly in silence, Chanyeol and her avoiding each other's looks across to the other.

She felt the heavy weight of guilt in her stomach whenever she thought about Chanyeol, doing anything else to avoiding the pictures of last night creeping into her mind, she had done her laundry, she had cleaned her house, she had replied to emails that had been waiting for days, and now she was out of things to distract her.

She flicked aimlessly through the TV channels, not able to make a solid decision on anything. She'd be flicking for around 20 brain dead minutes when her phone rang.

'Hey Ella,' she greeted her sister.

''Sup homie,' she retorted.

'Homie?' Alex asked.

'Yeah, trying it out. So anyway, how was the video shoot? I am still wicked jealous you are in an EXO video.' She could hear the smile on her sister's face.

'Yeah, it's not an EXO video, it's Chanyeol's video,' she said.

'Yeah but still! Was it cool? What happened.'

Alex explained as much as she could. She told her about the concept, the small aging cottage, the number of people working there, camera crews, makeup artists, everything except Chanyeol.

'Not, fair.' Ella moaned. 'So how about Chanyeol, was he cool?'

'He-'she couldn't bring herself to tell her sister what had happened with him. Part of her hoped if she didn't say it, then it didn't happen. 'Yeah, he was nicer than before.'

'Good, well I have great news, I am flying out there, tomorrow.'

'Tomorrow?!' she choked on her hot chocolate.

'Yeah! I got an amazing deal, not too, soon right?' she asked her.

'Not at all! I'll be glad of the company! I can't wait.'

She discussed Ella's arrival with her for the next half an hour, but as soon as the phone went dead, her mind went into overdrive. She thought about calling Junmyeon but then decided she definitely could not face him yet. She thought about writing, but she couldn't arrange her thoughts clearly enough to put them into words.

Deciding she needed to get out, she threw on her coat, grabbed her hat and left the apartment in search of some kind of peace. She walked what felt like the entire city, she went into shops, trying to take her mind of things, but left empty-handed. She walked the length of the river bank until the sky turned dark and her fingers turned numb.

She was leaning over the railing, watching the waves hit the shore, and the way the lights danced in the water. She was cold, she hadn't brought a scarf, or any gloves, and soon enough she was shivering as the night turned icy and frozen around her. Still the numbness she felt helped her block out the many things she was feeling but didn't want to be. It reminded her of a specific part of her book. Evelyn, the main character had travelled the globe in a bid to feel things she didn't want to feel, run away from her emotions. But when she met Sam, he made her feel everything and more. He warmed her cold fingers, but he scared her with his overpowering presence and his need to capture her. She did the only thing she knew how to, keep running.

The idea that her life had turned into her own book frightened Alexandra. One day she woke up and she just started writing this story, without any idea where it came from, maybe some deep-rooted need in Alex to run away, that's why she was here now after all. It was why she left home at 20, found herself trapped and ran away again, she didn't feel she belonged anywhere.