Funny :)

JOKES pg.2

11. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

12. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

13. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

14. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

15. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

16. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

18. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

19. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

20. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

21. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

22. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

24. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

25. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

26. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

27. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

28. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

29. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

30. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.