It'd been at least a month since you'd seen Jack last, since then you'd had plenty of time to think. Thinking, however, only made you feel worse. You paced back and forth through your small living space, debating how you were going to keep up the mask of optimism you wore to hide your feelings. Getting happy has been tough lately, hell, you couldn't sing or dance at all since you had gotten this isolated. It was in this haze of self-hatred and unhappiness that you decided, you need to see Jack, and as much as you tried, you just couldn't get him out of your mind.
You contacted him once more, this time a bit more desperate for a little time away from yourself. After a few minutes he responded, you two were only going on a walk, but you couldn't begin to explain how happy you were to be seeing him again. For a short moment, in your head you almost told yourself you loved him. You did, but, not in that way, you began thinking up excuses to fool your brain. After a moment you got up and began to fix up your rather frightening appearance. You brushed out your intensely tangled hair and fixed up your saddening features with some random makeup.
Not long after you put on your coat and went outside to meet him. You smiled weakly at him, trying desperately not to show how painful your thoughts have been for quite some time. He smiled back as you began walking side by side. "Uh...How have you been?" he asks you, trying to make a bit of conversation. You debated what to say to him, perhaps for a bit too long, not noticing that you'd shed a few tears. He immediately realizes this and grabs your hand, you were a little surprised by his action. "Yeah... Me too" he quietly mutters, nearly in a whisper. As a response you grasp his hand a little tighter, something about the very thought of him despairing really had affected you. You didn't want that for him, it physically hurt you a bit, even!
In the silence somehow you still felt comfortable. It was obvious that he enjoyed your company as well, I mean, you were still holding hands! As you walked with him you quietly hummed the tune of Heartworms, a song by the usual band, The Shins. The humming slowly graduated into quiet singing.
"And it's true, so what can I do? Oh won't you be still for a moment, what can I do? So I can push a feather through your heart, what can I do? I'm trying to minimize damage done cause there ain't no one like you.."
He weakly smiled at you, he saw through you, you knew it. No self-deception could hide the heavy amounts of affection weighing on you. You blamed yourself, but really it was him, he gave you the heartworms. Wont you just listen to yourself, you're going crazy over this, you're using The Shins to describe your issues. Oh, how you loved and loathed the thoughts you had. Almost as if Jack had read your mind, he pulled you into a hug.
Shit, he knows!
YOU ARE READING
BaptismOnFire x reader
RomanceWARNING, this is almost a joke! I made this book on a new account because I don't even want it on my main. This may also become a horror story, later on, so I may as well warn you.
