Instead of living the life I want to live, I sit, in a shrinking cell, thinking about it. I search the internet for photographs of vast structures, the ones formed millions of years ago, with snow capping their summits. And I search for them, so I can set them as my lock screen, the first thing I see when I turn my phone on to check the time. So I can "be inspired" to travel there "one day". But my friends, one day will come too late. Now, I believe there is no such thing as "too late", but it's hard to mask the fear of impending gloom.
That one day, i'll be another carton of bones, waiting to sit beneath the earth. For humans, presumably, to find me hundreds or thousands of years into the future, when all tombstones and signs of a graveyard have been flushed away by God knows what. To think, "look at this specimen! hundreds of years old. Neat." then put me in a box, to spend eternity, not within the earth, but in limbo.
I sit in this cell, this ever so gloomy and hellish cell, listening to a score titled "carpe diem", but do not live out the meaning. I do not seize the day, held down by restrictions due to money, or judgement, or lack of something needed to do what I aspire to do. Part of me believes...I can do this. Taking to heart quotations such as, "if you want something in life, reach out and grab it." Thinking I can set out and do whatever I would like to in the world. Nothing is truly impossible, and nothing can truly stop me. Even if death himself serrated me with his blade, I would still be free to romp uncharted territories in whatever comes next for the journey of the soul.
But then fear creeps into my mind, poisoning each positive carpe diem though with negativity. The challenges, opposition, judgement, people. Society. The terms and situations society has so PLAGUED my mind with ever since I was in my mother's womb. It's toxicity flowed into my ears the minute I emerged into the world, whether or not you believe society can affect a gooey infant such as that or not. From the moment you exit the womb, society fills your head with ideals and morals which are generally upheld in the "real world".
Ever since elementary, we are taught that the "Real world" is only exposed to us after we have graduated college. Once we have a job, and possibly a family, then we will get our first true bite of reality. But that perception dear ones, is FUCKED.
Because from the MOMENT you exit the womb, you are in the "real world". Education systems, after school programs, sunday school, the whole goddamn spectrum. It is the real world. See, there is no set way to live your life. You do not have to follow society's rules. They have been set there due to tradition, and people are too often terrified to go against them, for fear of judgement or being outcast by their peers. They strive so hard for the acceptance of others, all the while forgetting what the most important aspect of life is. To dissect yourself, and the world around you. To find out who "you" and the most basic of principles, uttered to us by, you guessed it, society since birth, truly are.
But do not be afraid to stray from society. It will lead you in the "road less traveled by", but that is what makes the difference in your life. Do not strive to conform, strive to find out who you are. Whether that be summiting a peak in Colorado, and screaming at the top of your lungs to the wildlife, to the heavens, to all the ones you've EVER known. Or whether it be hopping onto a motorbike and weaving your way to an ocean. A gulf, or ocean, or strait, or any goddamn body of water you may find. And you must find where you belong, where you feel that life is pointing you towards. And you must stand, or sit, or squat there and reflect. Self reflection is the most dire part of being called a "human being". Yet so many people forget to take part on this philosophical journey as they go through the same, traditional rut their entire lives. The same, traditional rut that has been followed by billions before and billions to come. And they forget to understand themselves. They may be human, speaking in the most basic biological terms, a living organism. But are they really deserving of the second half of the title, "being?" They don't know what it is to "be", sticking to their, yes, standard rut. So if they don't understand how to "be". they simply cannot be deemed "being."
This is where you separate the "humans" from the "beings". The humans live traditional lives, as so spoken by many before I, and many times myself within this blab of a passage. Hardly, if ever, questioning themselves, or their surroundings. They don't truly "live". Oh, Socrates would not be pleased.
Then you find the others, the lesser percent on this earth, the "beings". These are the ones who question everything, maybe not so deserving of the exact title of "philosopher", but something close to it. They truly, truly live. And experience themselves and the earth as it was meant to be experienced. Getting away from society for the better part of their careers as a "being". And diving into the mountain ranges across the continents, or the seas that encompass every living thing. These are the people who understand what it is to truly "be". These are the people who have seized the day. These are the ones who have done what so little dare to do.
Now, as you leave this...whatever this may be, question yourself. Question your morals, career, interests, everything about your vessel and your soul. Question the world around you, question others. Question physics and metaphysics. Do you wish to be a "human", or a "being?"
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January 24th, 2018
