Crazy about you... & you too

one.

Ethan Dolan or as I know him Eteeweetee or even E and I had been best friends since the 2nd grade. We pretty much grew up together & spent every day after school hanging out with each other. He has a twin brother, Grayson, but for a long time i couldn't tell them apart. you could imagine how much trouble that's gotten me in.

Gray & i weren't as close as E & i were. Gray was a bit more introverted & i think that bc i actually initiated our friendship he kinda admired that & decided to give me a chance. Once he opens up to you & shows you how creative, athletic, positive , funny & amazing he is, you can't help but love him.

E and I always had a thing for one another but i always felt bad that i never spent time with Gray, considering they're brothers & are together 96% of the time. One night when we were about 12/13 years old, he invited me to the movies. Ethan had a cold so he stayed behind. Gray & i had an amazing time although he threw popcorn at me throughout the whole movie and cracked jokes making me laugh and making everyone else upset. He even took me to his favorite thinking place. A place where he could go to think & just be alone & have peace & quiet. ....it was the roof of their house. i thought it was a bit peculiar but i could tell it meant a lot to him. i didn't mind being up there with Gray looking at the stars & allowing him to open up to me. i really enjoyed it. He even kissed me that night & i cant really explain what i felt but it sent chills up my spine and i kinda liked it.

There was something about Gray that i liked. I know it was wrong to like Gray when clearly E and i liked each other but i wasn't that smart back then. Gray was mysterious, he liked to take risks and had no problem pushing me out of my comfort zone and getting me to try new things. he brought a new kind of confidence out of me, one i had never seen before. i admired that about him. I loved when he smiled too, he had a beautiful smile and don't get me started on the laugh. His laugh alone could get you to laugh and it was cute. But E was the exact same! and its not even because they're twins. he was adventurous and spontaneous and hella creative. they could both take something so simple and make it 30 times better & i loved every minute i spent hanging out with them. we always had a blast

Around the age of 13/14, we had a spring dance at our school & Ethan asked me to be his date. He wanted to go as "friends" but i knew Ethan & i knew that he " like liked" me. i knew he would have no problem admitting it, but it just took forever for him to do so. We knew absolutely nothing about being in a relationship but all that mattered was that he was going to be my boyfriend and i was going to be his girlfriend.. whatever that meant. We went to the dance together & had a great night up until he took me home. That's the night he told me he & Gray were moving.

I was devastated. That wasn't exactly what i was hoping to hear from him. But before he left that night he kissed me, me not knowing that that was gonna be the last time i would see him in who knows how long. i really didn't even get to say goodbye but it confirmed everything that i knew. more than anything, it hurt. i was so confused about everything i was feeling. They were my friends and they were the only people i actually enjoyed hanging out with. They were weird and they didn't care that i was too bc we could be weird together and i had a lot of fun with them. i just wasn't ready to let go. i had known them for forever but every time we were together it felt like we were just meeting for the first time. it hurt to lose my best friends

a year later, it was the summer time. My family stayed in jersey but i ended up moving in with my older cousin, Amari who at the time was 23 & lived in Texas. Ever since the twins left my dad & i hadn't been able to see eye to eye. it had gotten really bad to the point where my mom would tell him to leave bc he would get really angry over something so stupid. For instance, one night he got pissed at me for not doing the dishes when he just told me to go do my homework and not to worry about the dishes bc education comes first. it was like he purposely wanted to pick a fight with me all the time & i couldn't understand why.