Broken

Guilt

        I drive all the way home almost a little too hurriedly. Aunt Jenna is gonna be pissed at me. I wouldn't be surprised if she arranged a search party for me either. I take total blame for it though.

        I park my car in the driveway and silently climb my front porch steps and try at the door knob. It's open. Thank god. I step inside, keeping the door from creaking and rush up to my room. I swear I hear shuffling in the downstairs kitchen.

        Once in my room, I let out a quick sigh and plop down onto my bed and just stare at the ceiling for a minute. I don't know what I'm going to say to Damon when he tries to contact me, or the next time he sees me because he must be worried sick. Though honestly, I really don't care. He can be mad, worried or freaked but oh well. I have this gut feeling inside of me that he might of just took an advantage of me and found an opportunity, where as he took it. If he was planning to go back to campus, he should of stopped in between to tell me that it wasn't right. Be kind enough to tell me we shouldn't have sex because he was only staying for a little while. I am not trying to be such a bitch but making me get more attached to him when he's only gonna break me even more is flat out selfish. It sucks to be alone and I so badly want to go off on him for it. He has no idea what it feels like to have a void in your life because he already has so many people there for him.

        In the middle of my thoughts i didn't even notice that Jenna had stepped into my room. I sat up quickly and looked at her, she immediately went off.

"Do you wanna tell me where you were ALL night?!"

"I was off to the grill... but then I kind of got sidetracked...", I didn't have the dignity to lie to her right now. It isn't her fault for worrying about me, it's all on me this time.

"Hell yes you got sidetracked. Elena you don't even realize how insane I went! I called you a bazillion times, asked Caroline and Bonnie if you were anywhere to be found! It was the middle of the night and you didn't come home. The first thought that came to mind was that you got kidnapped!! Or raped or something!"

I couldn't say much, I kept it simple, "I'm really sorry I kept you so worried. It wasn't my intention I swear. I went to the bar and sat there for a few moments to loud blaring music on the radio and eventually fell asleep. There is no reason for me to keep you worried, it's not something I enjoy doing Jenna. I promise it won't happen again."

She let out a sigh and I could see all signs off anger fade away from her eyes, next thing I knew her arms were wrapped around me tightly. I was relieved in a way as well, I didn't want her angry even though she had every right to be.

"Thank god you're okay. Just don't do stupid teenager crap like that again okay? I think I'm already starting to get grey hair by looking out after Jeremy."

"I promise I won't",  a quick laugh escapes my mouth as I hug her back and I simply just stay there for a while. I lied to her about Damon being back, I lied about what happened last night, and I lied to myself. It's kind of best for me to stay away from him right now. If anything he's the worst thing for me right now, not the best.

Jenna smiles at me warmly and walks out of the room. I feel bad about making her wait for me, she probably was up all night waiting for me and I feel awful. NEVER GONNA DO IT AGAIN. I'm gonna vow to myself right at this moment. I take out my phone and check my missed calls, 39 of them. 21 from Jenna, 8 from Caroline, 10 from Bonnie and don't even get me started on the amount of texts that are blowing up my phone at the moment. I don't have enough will power to answer to every single one of them making up some fake bullshit about where I was last night.

I throw my phone to the side and get up to take a shower. I smell like..... Damon bed. That's what I'm going with. I shuffle to the bathroom and take my clothes off slowly. I kind of forgot half of them at Damon's house but I don't care. I turn on the hot water and step inside the shower. It helps take away any stress or achy feelings I've been having this whole time. The guilt of lying to Jenna, stupidity of not being conscious enough to ask Damon.... I won't even go that far.

I turn off the water after a few moments later and open the shower slide door, I forgot to grab a towel. I groan and step out soaking and completely naked. My wet hair dripped water across the tile floor as I went over to my closet and grabbed one. Once I get myself wrapped up, I step towards my dresser to grab any clothing I could find, I don't need to look good today, I just want to lay in bed, throw the covers over my head, and let the hours pass by. I just grab an old tee I had from the eighth grade, my pajama shorts, blue sports bra and purple underwear. They don't match but I could care less. I just suddenly and randomly feel exhausted for some reason, maybe overwhelmed. But the sound of snuggling up into my own bed again seems wonderful.

I throw the clothes onto my bed and run a hand through my hair right when I heard a noise outside my window. I freezed, it wasn't even windy outside today. It's sunnier then ever.

I turned around and jumped slightly, "You seriously gotta stop sneaking in through my window!", I sigh as both of Damon's feet touch my room carpet.