Legacy: Infinity (Book 3)

Chapter 45: Time Turns

Jay had only grieved thrice before. Once was for the death of Thyme, her only friend among the Ivy Cats. Once for Midnight, who had died saving her kits. And one other time, for the death of her older sister. Emberheart had died in battle, taking a blow that was aimed for her wayward and blood-stained sister. Just another nightmare that had haunted her all the way from the lake.

But this was a new level of grieving, it didn't make her angry, it didn't make her sad, it certainly didn't make her happy either. The death of her kit brought a whole different meaning to the word regret.

After the battle Jay had fainted from shock, something she had never done before. She was revived a few minutes later by her two sons who were sobbing and blubbering over the cold, stiff body of their sister, Ice.

It still made her head reel, even as she sat in front of a mound of freshly churned earth. Here had been laid the body of her daughter, that life snuffed out forever. Yes, due to Ice's efforts Lune and, by default, the StarReaders, had been defeated, but the price had been too great.

Anyone would feel sad to see a young life lost, lost even before making it to their full twelve moons. Jay knew it happened, heck, she had killed cats as young as Ice before, but she had never thought about what it meant, not for the one being killed, but those related to the cat that was killed.

Death was scary, yes, but not as scary as being left behind to wonder what had happened and when you would rejoin with the lost one, or if you ever would. Jay couldn't say she felt hollow, or depressed. She had simply been flung into a sea of emotion in which she was powerless to escape or even to navigate at all.

Everything she had done had been to protect her kits and give them a future. But now it was painfully clear that she was unable to protect them, even if they were right in front of her. Jay shuddered, how could she have ever thought she could be a mother? How could she have thought she could be a leader? To gain love? Or affection? Those were reserved for the strong and good, not for the weak and evil. Her entire life had been one mistake after another, and this was the most fatal one.

Her ears pricked at the sound of twigs being snapped but she didn't turn her head. Her nose told her it was Dusk Howl. He came to a stop beside her slumped body, he didn't say anything but Jay could taste his sadness as if he were crying without reserve.

"I am so sorry, Jay," his voice was hoarse and Jay closed her eyes against it, turning away. She knew he was sad, but there was nothing to be done about it. "I knew sending them to you would be dangerous for them, but I didn't think Ice would die... I never would have gone against your order if I had thought this would happen."

Words were cheap. If she had known, she never would have stayed in this accursed valley. She glared up at the foliage, squinting against the sunlight that streamed through the leaves. Why had she fallen in love with this place? And what was worse, why did the thought of leaving still turn her stomach upside down?

"What about the StarReaders?" Jay asked, eyes sliding down to look at Dusk Howl, though she didn't turn her face away from the sunlight.

"They're confused, they know Lune and Blanche are dead. They don't know what to do anymore."

"At this point, you had planned to present Ice as their new leader, didn't you?"

Dusk Howl dropped his head, "I should have spoken to you about it sooner, all three of us should have," he looked regretfully at the grave. "But now," his voice became tight as his tail lashed, "I can't face them at all."

Jay turned her eyes skyward again. Usually she would yell at him to grab some back-bone, after all this was part of their deal, but now she was unable to find the words. Her face felt hot, and then cold and her paws could have been rooted to the ground and she wouldn't have known the difference, they felt so heavy.