Away From The Rain. [ON HOLD]

CHAPTER FOUR.

In the O.R., time loses all meaning. In the midst of cutting, finding the problem, saving lives and sutures, the clock stops to matter. 13 minutes or 13 hours. Inside the O.R., surgeons make time fly… however, sometimes time has the pleasure in kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us, it seems to play tricks. Slowing down until it freezes, leaving us stuck in a moment where everyone around you is moving so fast and you can’t help but move in slow motion, unable to move in one direction or the other.

 “Dr. Parker.” Her voice sounded so distant in my ears. “Dr. Parker! Answer me.” I couldn’t. “Dr. Parker please!”

***

     “Mom, please stay with me.” I said pressing my hands against her chest. “They are already looking for us. Just-“

I felt a flashlight pointing directly into my eyes. 
    

     “Welcome back little man.”
    

     “Were was I?” 


     “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” The man said to me while checking my heartbeat.


     “Were am I?” I looked around in confusion.


     “You got to stay still.” He said trying to calm me down.


    “Where’s mom?” I looked around in the ambulance till I found a pale body behind the paramedic who was taking care of my wounds.


     “You got to stay still.” He repeated. 
I could not stay still. Where was Savannah, where was dad. Were they able to revive mom or was the heartbeat I felt, the last? Was she forever gone? I wanted to get up and take moms hand but the doctor lied me back down. “You got to relax.” But I could not. I had to take her hand and make sure she was with me. The doctor took out a syringe with a transparent liquid.
          

     “Mom!” I cried out loud. Struggling against the paramedic.
    

     “Stay still little man. Please.”
 I felt the liquit flow through my veins and my vision going blurry.

     “MOM!”


***

     “For god sake Noah!” I felt a flick on my forehead.
I looked into Dr. Grace’s eyes. Panic was the first thing I had noticed. Her forehead was frowned in confusion. I blinked some times and looked at the monitor next to the patient on the surgery table, then looked at him. There was blood, too much blood.
     “We need to find the source of the bleeding. And you Dr. Grace get out. I don’t need any hysterical human being in my OR.”
    

     “But-”

     “Out!” I said lowering my voice and turning back to the patient. Searching for the leak where all this blood was coming from. “Hand me some pads a haemostatic forceps and follow me with suction.” I added calmly continuing my job.

 After surgery I found myself in the parking lot sitting on a bench. I needed to clear my mind. There where to many things going on in my mind, and I wasn’t able to control them. 
I looked down at my shoes, with my arms leaning against my knees and my hands folded. The purple blue sky was reflecting in a small puddle next to my foot. A slim body blocked the reflection.

     “Dr Parker. I have to talk to you-”

     “Not now Dr. Grace.” I said cutting her off.
 

     “I do not think this is how things work.” She said continuing ignoring what I said. “You were the one who told me I could finally take over a Surgery and I know I’m kind of new in this whole thing, but this was supposed to be my first surgery and you didn’t even let me finish it. You simply took it away from me while other interns have already-” Her voice fainted till it was completely gone.

***

     “Noah please don’t leave me.” Savannah said hugging me tight.
    

     “I won’t.”


     “Noah. Don’t leave me.” She repeated while tears were streaming down her face.
    

    “I won’t!” I said closing my arms around her. I new I had to and yet I lied. 
Mom had died and Dad had left us. We were being separated because of a shortage of suitable homes. What meant they were taking her away from the only family she had left, me.

A tall man placed his hand on my shoulder. 
  

     “It’s time.” He said looking towards Savannah.
     

     “I can’t leave her.” I whispered.
     

     “Noah, we talked about this. They are going to take care of her.”
    

     “But I can’t Dan.” I took a deep breath. “She’s everything I have left.”
     

   “I’m Sorry Noah.” The man separated Savannah from my embrace and lifted her in his arms. 
Savannah was crying harder now. They sat her down in a car and placed the seatbelts around her.
     

     “Shhh, it’s okay.” Dan said to Savannah trying to calm her. He whispered something into her ear, making her tears stop flowing, then he closed the door. A woman and a man entered the same car Savannah was in. 
     

     “Sav!” I started walking towards the BMW but Dan stopped me before I could get closer. “Savannah! No. Please no!”
     

     “Noah stop.” He said putting both his hands on my shoulders. I pushed Dan away from me and started running after the car. Savannah was hitting against the window. Tears flowing down her face again. Dan and some other man stopped me from chasing her.
     

     “NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! SAVANNAH! SHE’S MY SISTER.” I tried to lose myself. “I CAN’T LEAVE HER! I PROMISED! I CAN’T.” They had knocked me down on the floor. “I’M SORRY SAV! I’M SO SORRY!” I whispered to myself while drops of disappointment filled my eyes. 


      “It’s for her own good.” Dan added.
     

     “For her? What about me?” I spat out. Angry at Dan, angry at the stupid foster, angry at the stupid accident, angry at my stupid dad, but above all, angry at myself. Angry for not being able to keep my promise.

***

     “Dr. Parker? Are you okay?” I blinked several times till I realized where I was. I looked at my side to see Jordan Grace. Her face emotionless. “Do you do that a lot? Just blank out?”
    

      “I guess.” I stood up. Looking around, the parking lot was almost empty.
    

     “I don’t think you’re meant to just blank out like that. You sure you’re okay?” The concern in her hazel colored eyes was visible.
    

    “I’m fine.” 
Seventeen years. Seventeen years and these memories were still haunting me. There were weeks where this memories wouldn’t take over my thoughts. But there were also days were I couldn’t control it. I would just lose myself for second, minutes or even hours.

I stood up placing my hands in my pockets. The sun was gone by the time I walked back into the hospital. Crickets were humming loudly out here and as soon as you were passing past one, they would become quiet. 
Today was one of times where a day felt like a week. Tiredness was pressing against my eyelids. Looking into up to the sky, I supposed it was around eight o’clock. My shift would still last around four hours. I needed a coffee, or I wouldn’t survive this night.
 Out of curiosity I peeked my head over my shoulder, wondering if Jordan was following me, she was, but with some space between us. She had bags under her eyes as well.

       “Coffee?” I asked turning to her.

     “Sounds great.” She gave me a look I couldn’t read anything from. Her expressions were always hard to decipher. You never knew what she was thinking unless she would tell you.

We turned to the left entering the coffee shop.

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