Open When...

It's 1/27/2018

Sometimes it's easier for me to write my thoughts into a letter, instead of writing them into text messages. I can get everything I want out objectively (somewhat anyways) and without interruption.

I've noticed that I might be coming off as a little distant lately, and when I tell you it's because I'm busy, that's definitely the truth. I'm hella busy all the time now, and it kinda sucks hah. Well it does suck, but oh well, I'm glad I have these opportunities to begin with. 

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know something that's been on my mind. 

I hold you to a high standard. I hold you at a high standard in my mind, and I know that this is unfair to you. Because we barely ever meet in person it's been easier to keep you up to that level. 

I know that everyone makes mistakes, but for some reason, I kinda go crazy if we're not always 100% in sync. Like we're failing to meet this weird standard I have in my mind. 

Before I continue on, I hope you're not finding any of this offensive, because it's really not supposed to be.

I have so many trains of thought that they're all colliding into one another and I'm losing them. 

Hashtag deep. 

Every time you do anything that I don't like, or something, the standard falls... And it's strange and completely stupid. 

And I'm scared, honestly. I'm kind of scared to talk because I'm afraid the more we talk, the more the standard will fall. And I'm scared because I feel like me not talking might be leading us down that dark spiral, and coincidentally because I'm talking less, and not sharing as much as I am used to sharing, we might just be spiraling down, even if we have just fallen a few centimeters. 

Maybe this whole letter is just stupid and complete idiocy and I'm overreacting. 

I mean, I know that the standard thing is stupid, you don't need to tell me. 

Really, I'd rather not hear it. 

But anyways, I guess the point of this whole damn letter is...

I'm scared. 

I can't lose you again, and I don't want to. 

Whether it's temporary or permanently. 

I know that we're forever, but I guess sometimes I'm allowed to feel this fear. 

But, I have a feeling (maybe it's hope) that I'll get back to normal in no time. 

Honestly, maybe all this fear has just arisen because I've been so insanely busy this past week that it may have triggered some unwanted memories/feelings. 

I believe in us, and I'm sorry if this put any doubts into your mind, because that was NOT my intention whatsoever. 

I love you.

From,