It has been a week since Anne and I last catching up with each other and has been a month since she left Malaysia to fulfill her dream to work outstation. We have never been arguing with each other ever since the last incident that happened last year regarding the misunderstanding between both of us causes by unknown solid reasons but assumptions and hidden inner thought of us telling each other to quit being going concern.
The silent period between both of us unfortunately have been caused by our own personal negative thoughts. The incident effect our relationship terribly that made us a complete stranger rather than a close acquaintance who used to curse and shaming each other as our daily conversation.
Regarding Dr Steve Maraboli statement about destiny, 'Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny' proves that the friendship that holds us have yet to be part of history as we coincidentally took the same class in our second college and met each other again for the first time in 7 months. The situation indicates that we might have not letting go of our past yet and proves that there is something that is needed to be fix before it gets worse through time.
The thing is, destiny will not be filling the part for the improvement from the previous situation if any of party keep beating around the bush and not honest with the words spoken and the action taken in the present time.
Anne and I are really close at the moment and I believe myself that I can handle my feelings and implement honesty in my action. However, I have one major weakness that live with me ever since I was in primary school until probably for the rest of my life. Honesty in expressing oneself. It is the greatest problem of mine that I try to get rid for years now but have yet to find a solution to. Manipulation of oneself emotion is the easiest way to escape from any tangled situation. I often manipulate my feelings thinking It is okay not to feel okay and tell myself It is okay to eat your advice rather than feed it to people who supposedly be the eater because sometimes they won't accept without layering it with their own false believes.
When the damage happens, I personally think it is not their fault. It is mine. Because I don't have any confidence to express my opinion even though It is the most crucial key to fairness solution between two parties which commonly affect my friendship.
Sometimes I doubt myself whether to keep the friendship between us going or call it a quit. Was I lying to myself when I said that I was excited to see her for the first time in 7 months? It seems like I wasn't please to meet her but I genuinely enjoy my quality time with her. I incredibly appreciate the friendship very much. Sometimes I feel the presence of difficulty but sometimes I am genuinely happy to be friend with her. I don't know either it was causing by the period of seven months of silence between both of us or it happened naturally because of my personality. My indecisive personality. My character that I often tell myself. A villain.
And trust me. This is not just about Anne and I. I am a villain in every relationship that I have.
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Villain
Non-FictionA story behind a reserved girl, living a pretty solitary life who often makes wrong choices because of her introvert personality. She often get carried away by unexplored ideas and appeared as protagonist in people's eyes but is actually an indecen...
