Rye POV
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I woke up on the flat. More specifically on my bed. I realized that I am not the only one who is awake at the moment. Jack is awake but he is busy playing his phone. I looked around and saw the boys are sleeping peacefully. I grabbed my phone. I plugged the earphone in. I went through the Instagram and liked some of the fans' posts. I played some music.
"Hey Ryan," Jack said. "Hey."
"How was your sleep?" He asked. "Fine."
"Whats wrong with you, you acting a bit cold lately," Jack asked. "I am okay."
"Tell me if something happened to you, I am always here for you," he continued. I nodded.
I saw Mikey fluttered open his eyes. "Good day!" He said almost shouted. I shook my head.
"Hey, Jack! And hey, Rye," he said. "Hi."
I worked on my song. My very secret song. I wrote it for someone that I love in the future. Maybe one day, I will find her or maybe him. Dear future lover is the title. I think a lot about the future because I want to forget about my terrible past.
I saw my reflection in the mirror.
"Oh, rye, why you have to look this sad." "Come on fake a happy." "Or even fake a little smile, it won't hurt."
Those voices. Every time. Every morning. Every day. I don't even know where the sounds come from. It feels like they are controlling my self.
"Rye, is there anything wrong with the mirror?" Jack asked it wiped my thoughts away. I shook my head. "Nothing wrong," I giggled. "You stared at the mirror for about 3 minutes, do you even realized it?" Jack asked. "Do you count it?" I asked. "No," he giggled.
I saw Brooklyn started waking up. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. He stared at Jack. Okay he is lowkey addicted to Jack. I decided to throw my pillow at Brooklyn. "RYANN."
"Shhh, you gonna wake Andy up," I said. "Whoopsie, I am sorry," he answered. "Why you throw a pillow at me?" he asked. "Do you even realized there is a spider on your head?" I said.
"WHAT REALLY?" He said panickly. He stood up and messed his hair. "No mate, I am just kidding."
He shook his head and sat on the sofa. I stared at Andy. "Hey, anyone want some coffee, I'll make you some," Mikey said. "2 please," Jack giggled.
I saw Andy woke up. He stretched his arms and then rubbed his hair. He sat on his bed. "Anything wrong Rye?" He asked. I shook my head. "No nothing." I didn't realize I stared at him for a while. Shit, I am blushing.
I changed my position into facing the wall, staring out the window and kept listening to music.
Sorry boys if I acted weird lately. I felt bad for my self. Those voices in my heads keep telling that I am not good enough.
"Rye?"
Andy's voice made my thoughts went away. "Yes?"
"Are you okay?" he asked. "Yes," I answered.
I kept staring out the window. I turned up the volume and just minding my own business.
I missed my family. I want to feel my mum's warmest hug. I want to hear my brother's laughter. I miss everything about my home. Yeah, the actual home.
"RYE!" Mikey shouted and again it wiped away my thoughts. I sit on my bed. "What mike? What?"
"Man, chill. Have you eat breakfast?" He asked. "No."
"I will If I want to," I continued. "Okay..." Mikey said awkwardly.
I opened my phone. Scrolling through Instagram's timeline.
"Rye, rye, rye." It is Brooklyn's voice. I ignored him. "RYAN." I still ignored him.
"Okay cool he can't hear us," Brooklyn said. I kept scrolling and listening to them.
"Whats up with him?" Andy asked. "I don't know."
"I don't know either, he acted cold lately," Jack said. "Did something happened to him?" Andy asked again.
"Guys I'm fine," I said. They just stared at me awkwardly. "Whoops," Jack said. "I think you can't hear us," Brooklyn continued. "Well, of course, I can hear you."
"Okayy..." Mikey answered. "Tell us what happened or we will never stop talking about you," Andy said.
"No don't." "They won't care about you." "Even your dad hates you, they will do the same thing." "Ryan come on, you will get used to this." "Everybody hates you." "Don't be an attention seeker, Rye."
Fuck those voices. But maybe they are right. Wrong. I don't know.
"Nothing happened guys, really," I said with a big 'smile' on my face. "Really?" Jack asked. "Yes, sure. I am totally okay," I continued. "Great to hear then," Brooklyn said. I nodded.
Everybody just seems fine after that few words I said. Except for Andy. He still seems confused. But yeah.
I went down from my bed and went to the kitchen. I hate these place, to be honest.
I looked around. Opened the fridge, grabbed the milk. And poured the milk into the glass. I drank it in the kitchen. Looking out the window again.
"Grab a knife." "Kill your self." Not again.
"You won't have a second chance Rye." "It is the only way to ended up the pain."
No. "Your life would be better." "There is knife beside you rye."
I turned my back and yeah, there is a knife. I am trying to reach the knife but something is like pulling my hand. It made me drop my glass.
"Oh shit," I mumbled to my self. "Good job rye. You chose the easier way." "Slit your wrist." "Now slit your wrist." "Yeah slit your wrist."
I am on my knees now. Grabbing one of the broken glass pieces.
"RYAN!" Andy voice again. "HEY ARE YOU OKAY?" Andy shouted. "Yeah yeah, fine," I said.
"Your hands are bleeding, Rye." What. I didn't even realize it. Okay, cool Rye. "MIKE CAN YOU GRAB A BAND-AID?" Andy shouted. "YEAH, ON MY WAY."
"Rye, how can this happened?" Andy asked. I looked up at him. "Ya know, silly me. Accidentally dropped the glass." He stared at me confusedly. "And when I want to clean this I cut my self," I continued. "I know you were lying," he answered. "No, I am not." I stood up.
He shook his head and Mikey came into the room. "Here the band-aid," Mikey said. "What just happened to your wrist?" Mikey asked. "Silly him, dropped the glass and cut himself," Andy explained. I stared at them. "Hehe."
Mikey placed the band-aid slowly on my cut. "Thanks, Mike," I said. "Yeah, you are welcome," he answered. I hugged both of them with a big 'smile' on my face.
They left the room. Yeah, cool, Rye. You are such a talented guy.
I cleaned all the mess I just did.
Well yeah. Here is me. Ryan Beaumont. And fake happy is my talent.
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SURPRISE! I made a new book skskksks. And yeah. Its all about randy cuz they are my fav. And yup i'm still working on my another 'book'. and maybe i'll delete this 'book' soon.
and yeah hope you have a great day. dont forget to vote.
xoxo
-author.
