Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

14. Revelations

'A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.'

~Charles Dickens

Varun P.O.V.

After breakfast, I spoke to Alina, explaining what I could of the situation. Like most people, she didn't entirely understand the way me and Alia work but she was willing to accept it. So I took her with me to find Alia so I could actually introduce them only, when we finally found her, I overheard something that shocked me to the core. 'Still Varun deserves to know he has a son!' Shaheen exclaimed.

'I have a what?' I demanded. Alia turned to look at me, guilt and horror warring on her face.

'Varun, I – it's –'

'He's mine?' I asked, not bothering to let her try and give me excuses. She nodded, and I felt my anger build. 'How long have you known?'

'Since I found out about him.' she admitted quietly.

'Since you – and you didn't think to tell me?'

'You'd disappeared! I had no way of – '

'Bullshit!' I cut her off. 'You had my email, Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter, you could've sent me a message.' She stayed silent, further raising my temper. 'You know what, I can't deal with this right now.' I said, turning away from her.

'Varun,' I heard her protest but the rest of her words were cut off as I left, shutting the door behind me.

***

Alina allowed me space for two hours and then she stormed into my office and demanded I get up and go talk to Alia. 'Why the hell should I?'

'Because she's going out of her mind and blaming herself for this!'

'That would be because it's her fault.' I pointed out.

'Varun Dhawan, don't you dare blame it all on her.' she snapped. 'Maybe she should've told you but your disappearing act didn't exactly help now did it? Yes, she could've sent you a message but she'd just found out she was pregnant, her husband showed no interest in the child, she had no idea what to do and then she almost died giving birth. Not to mention, she's been raising her son – your son ­– by herself for eleven years.'

'By herself? You do realise she's had her entire family supporting her right?' I questioned, raising my eyebrows. 'And all this sympathy for a girl you don't even know?'

'Whether I know her or not, I know that she's insanely panicked and putting more blame on herself than's justified.'

'Alina, you don't know her at all okay so just don't.' I told her.

'Why not? Because you don't like hearing you're the one in the wrong?'

'No! Because you've known her about two hours and you think you know enough to be making judgements!' I snapped. 'I'm not saying I'm not at all at fault but you are in no position to be telling me to go and talk to her!'

'Varun, this is not just a matter of who knows who. This is a matter of your son, your family.' she countered.

'So that's what it is then?' I asked, realisation dawning on me. 'I have a kid so you don't want to marry me anymore right?'

'For God's sake Varun, this isn't about me and you! This is about you and the chances you gave up, the things you ran away from and the people you left behind.' she yelled, apparently having run out of patience.

'I didn't run away. Yes, I left but not because I wanted to run away from my problems.' I snapped.

'Then why? Why did you leave without telling anyone Varun?' she demanded.

'Because the girl I was in love with was getting married and, given what had happened between us, I thought I had a shot. But I didn't bother to actually say anything to her and I realised that day that that was it. There wouldn't be another chance. So I left because, no matter how much I wanted to see her happy, I just couldn't deal with the thought of being faced with my biggest what if every time I saw her.' I exploded. 'D'you have any idea what it was like for me to leave like that? I knew full well that it would hurt her and I hated myself for it. But if I'd stayed, I would've spent every day for the rest of my life hating myself for not being able to just say it, not being able to tell her Alia, I love you.'

'You say that like you don't still regret it.' Alina remarked, looking at me knowingly.

'Of course I do, especially now. But it's in the past and there's nothing I can do to fix it.' I sighed.

'You still have the chance Varun. She's here now, you can tell her.'

'No.' I denied. 'Look, we're getting married in like two months. Me and Alia, that's ancient history. You're my present and my future.' As I said it, I heard the soft click of the door closing and I was fully aware of who'd been there, who'd overheard the entire thing. Despite what I'd just said, I felt like utter shit to know that Alia had heard that, heard me saying that I was going to just let go so easily.

'If that were true Varun, you wouldn't look like your heart's breaking right now.' Alina told me.

'It is true. I'm not just going to- to break it off with you because somebody I loved over a decade ago has come back into my life.'

'Loved?' she repeated, laughing. 'Varun, you're not fooling anyone. You still love her and you always will. And whether you'll break it off or not doesn't matter; I'm not going to marry a man if that means taking him away from his love and his son, taking him away from his family. I'm sorry Varun but we're over.'

'Alina- '

'Don't. You know, in a way it's kind of a relief. I mean, these past couple years with you, they've been nice but... honestly, I'm not entirely sure I ever loved you like that. I guess it was just the pressure of it being time to settle down.' she said with a shrug. I might've thought she was only saying it to make me feel better but Alina wasn't like that. She didn't care to spare someone's feelings at her own expense.

'Why didn't you ever say anything?' I asked.

'Because, I mean, I didn't have the reason to I guess.' she answered with a shrug. 'But now I do. So I'm telling you that we're done and you should go tell the girl you love that you love her.'

'I-I owe you big time.' I told her.

'Yes, you do. And I'd like to be paid by you getting the hell out of here and going to tell Alia how you feel before she beats herself up more than she's already done.'

'Right okay.' I said with a nod. 'Going now.' She rolled her eyes good-naturedly and gave me a shove towards the door. I didn't try to stall any longer, almost running from the room, determined to actually own up to my feelings this time.  

A/N: Happy Easter! (Well, belated happy easter)

Hope you enjoyed the chapter and we'll see you next week