Please Choose Me

1 : Ryan and I

He told me he liked me less than a month ago. I suppose it wasn't a big surprise.
We were practically inseparable and when we weren't together, we were either texting or talking on the phone. We were best friends--and, if there's any truth in romantic comedies, then of course we should end up together. It's the perfect foundation to any great love story. Right?

Ha! Well if you don't already know, chickflicks and romantic novels are not only cliched and unoriginal, they're also full of shit. They were made by assholes who wanted to give lonely people some sliver of hope. A pointless, untrue sliver of pathetic hope that guys aren't all douchebags.

It hasn't even been a month since he told me he liked me, but right now, he's holding hands with my good friend as they walked down the hall, towards me. I heard from a friend that they've been going out for a few days now. He never said anything to me and neither did she. But whatever, it's not like I own him or anything. I don't care. I don't give a flying fuck.

After all, I turned him down after he confessed. I gave him the whole bullshit about how we were best friends and how I didn't want to ruin what we had by dating.

She waves, lets his hand go and runs to me. "Hey Chris, I've got news!" she says as she reached for my hand to drag me away. Ryan, who was just behind her, disappeared. He didn't even have the decency to say hi. What was up with that?

"I already know Anna. You and Ry are dating," I say, struggling to add some excitement in my tone, "That's awesome."

"Who told you?" she demands, "And I thought for sure you'd either laugh or be so shocked when you hear about it!"

"I was shocked." My words come off sounding more bitter that I wanted, but I don't think she noticed.

"Who would've thought, right?"

Not me. Definitely not me. "Yeah, I mean I didn't know you guys liked each other that way." It was tough trying to hide the hint of bitterness in my voice.

I don't understand why I felt betrayed. Well--I do, I mean the guy professed that he liked me not too long ago but in the short amount of time between then and right now, he managed to 1. move on and 2. find someone else. And come on, did it have to be one of my closest girlfriends? Like fuck.

It's not that I didn't mean it when I turned him down. I wasn't expecting him to mope and sulk for months. It's not like I was playing hard to get or that I wanted him to chase after me. It's not a case of wanting something once it's gone either. At least I don't think so?
Seeing him with Anna just made me wonder about whether he really like me at all or if I'm just that easy to replace. And Anna--didn't she know about how Ryan and I--well--there was never a 'Ryan and I' but I mean we had this weird history and I could've sworn I told her about it. She'd even tease me about all the messages whenever I was staying over at her place.

And there was no indication that they were--

Snap out of it! You sound so pathetic. I heard my own voice say at the back of my head. I could be spiraling. And I hate it.

"...couldn't find you yesterday." I heard Anna say. I guess she hasn't stopped talking, "But anyway, I think Ryan and I are heading to that one new restaurant for lunch. You should come with!"

She said it, they are now officially 'Ryan and I'. I couldn't stand how she sounds so nonchalant. Worse yet, I can't stand how affected I was when there was absolutely no reason for me feel or act that way.

"Oh, I can't. I have--uhh--something." As you might assume from the uhh, I don't have something. I do t have anything.

I smiled apologetically and started walking, as if I had somewhere to go. Just so we're clear,  no I didn't have anywhere to go. Ryan and Anna were my closest friends in University. I was always with one or the other and on rare occasions, both.