CLUB

°10; jaerin

there's no one
to blame
other than myself

_____

the room was in silence. only soft breaths and rustling of sheets were  heard.

it lasted for minutes though.

the once soft, calm breathing went irregular, faster and rushed. there, a girl was struggling to breathe. gripping the sheet tightly, her eyes opened with shock. she was breaking cold sweats, her chest heaved up and down quickly as if she just ran a marathon.

bringing herself to sit, she looked around the room and sighed. it's another dream, nightmare. placing her hand on her head, she tried to calm her breath slowly. shutting her eyes off to throw away all the unwanted images that haunted her mind once again.

it's been a routine.

for her to dreamt of something horrible, things that made her felt suffocated. sometimes making her shed tears and sometimes it made her feel like screaming. observing the air around her, the gaze fell to the man on the other side of the bed. he was still sleeping, as if not affected by all of her movements at all.

wiping the sweats off, she lowered herself to snuggle to him. pulling his body closer to her to him, she breath in his scent. he always smelt the same, nice but provocative. always alluring, tempting her with his everything.

"seongwoo." she whispered, though knowing he's not gonna wake up to listen to her or anything. she always do the same when she had a nightmare, or maybe, every night. telling him about what she saw and what she hear inside it.

"i saw you getting away." it was never the same thing or contents, but it always reminded her of him leaving her, as if it's some kind of a warning. "i saw you with another woman. and i wondered again, who is she? why are you holding her like you did to me?"

"and i always find myself questioning about your feelings towards me, do you truly love me or is everything just a temporary happiness. or are you just lying to me." caressing his face gently, she studied the face she had gotten used of for these few months they've been together. it's the same face that said the words, the same face that confessed his feeling and also the same face that want her to remember everytime.

but the dream made her think of him.

what if he was really lying? what if he really didn't love her? what if every words he had said is just nothing but a fake affection? is he like any other men who's only after her wealth? she can't help but to be scared, afraid of what's coming. afraid to see the truth. that's why she didn't bother to ask him anything. even though he said he's going to meet someone, she never want to ask who is he meeting. or whenever he coming back home with a face as happy as ever, she didn't have the heart to ask him why he was so happy.

she's too scared.

she wanted to avoided the truth even though she knew it would come sooner or later. whether she accept it or not.

"i love you."

saying it, she gave a light peck to his lips and closed her eyes, hoping to get a good sleep after another disastrous night.