A Rose in the Sun.

Pt.7: A Wilting Rose

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Even after being rejected by Rose, I still felt a strong connection towards her. She did ask if we would be able to forget about what happened that night, and anything Rose asked me to do, I did, because it was for her. What was a lonely and depressing night for me was a regular night for Rose, and this was made clear when she found a boyfriend the first month of us going back to school.

He was tall, smart, and very good looking, everything I wasn't. Rose and I still hung out. We still went to retro diners or sat on my rooftop at night gazing at the imprints of the faded stars from the sheer cold of winter. The only difference was that sometimes Rose would bring her boyfriend along, and every minute I spent with the two of them was another minute I felt my insides turning and crumbling like a piece of scratch paper that had already exhausted its use. I didn't know if Rose knew how much I was hurting, or if she even knew she was the reason I was hurting. Either way, I always swallowed my hubris and tried to enjoy the situations I was in even if I had to third wheel, because every second I spent with Rose was another grain of sand added to the hourglass of my life. 

It was only until Rose developed a severe illness, lost her hair and a lot of body-weight, and was bedridden in the hospital that I was able to spend time alone with her again, because Rose's boyfriend had left her and her already consuming hopelessness about her condition was joined by an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loneliness. What was once a girl who smiled miles long and laughed as loud as the airplanes dashing through the sky was now a girl who laid lifeless and hopeless on her bed. The only ones who kept her company were Grandma Sue and I, and even still, the two of us didn't do a good job.

Rose always worked up every bit of her strength to talk to me. We talked about school, everything she was missing out on, and about the world. We no longer talked about dogs, movies, games, and every other thing that used to bring a smile to Rose's face. Instead, our talks consisted of deep conversations about our emotions, our goals in life, and deeper topics such as death and our life dreams. Rose always lived in the moment, and seeing her live away from it depressed me.