All The Time We Have

Chapter 5

  I laid there for what felt like forever.

  "Thank you." The words looped around my mind.

  "DAMN IT!" I screamed as I threw my phone against the wall and toppled onto my bed. I cant go to see somebody I barely know. What the hell was I thinking!

  Just then, James poked his head into my room, wearing a worried expression.

  "Hey, are you okay?" He asked.

  "No." I said, my voice muffled by the pillow I landed face first on.

  "Well, do you want to talk about it." He asked sincerely.

  I sat up to look at him. "I think that's the first time you've ever said that to me."

  "Well, there's a first  time for everything." He said, sitting on the end of my bed.

  I didn't know much about Dads, but I feel like this is the way one would act. Sitting on the end of the bed, concerned, ready to listen. I made me happy to see James in this position.

  "What's up?" He asked.

  I sighed, "Honestly, I don't know. Its kind of personal."

  James sat up straighter. "Is it about your time?"

  I paused. If I told James about Jacob, he would immediately turn back into big brother mode and I really wanted him to stay in dad mode. Plus, I did kind of want to talk about my time. The talk with Lily kind of made me a little salty.

  So I nodded. James and our mom had a normal time just like everyone else. When I was born, the doctors were shocked. Did hundreds of test on me, according to my mother. They failed to see were I could have gotten it from. Was it a family gene thing? Was it an illness I had developed in the womb? No. There is just something wrong with me.

  My brothers eyes got wide. "Oh... oh okay, well um, I'm not the best one to be giving advice here, but...

  "This is why I didn't want to tell you."

  "Hey, cut me some slack. Like you said, this is the first time I've ever done this before." He paused, unsure of what to say next. "It must be hard though. Never being able to love somebody because their time is already connected to someone else."

  I looked up at him, "Is this supposed to be a pep talk or....?"

  "All I'm saying is that it must be hard, and I cant change your time for you. But I can stick by your side and help you get through it. Just remember, I will always support you."

  "Wow," I said surprised. "That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be."

  "Oh, shut up."

  We laughed. I smiled at James, "But really, thank you." I said.

  James leaned over and pulled me into a hug, "No problem, little sis."

  As we hugged, I thought about what he said. I can live without a time. And knowing that my brother will support me through this heart twisting rollercoaster... gave me the tiniest bit of hope.