...And Beyond... | To Infinity... Book Two [ON HOLD]

Prologue

Tuesday July 21, 2020 - Miami Beach, Miami

5:00 PM

Desi POV

"Happy birthday dear Desi! Happy birthday to you!"

I was surrounded by Lenni and a few more of our friends we kept in touch with after college and everyone just finished singing "Happy Birthday" to me, a two-tiered beach themed birthday cake with the number "27" on top sitting in front of me on Lenni's dining room table. They thought a small friendly gathering would help me feel better as opposed to a big rowdy party, and they're partially right. I've been trying to convince everyone that I've been healing just fine from all that shit that went down with Joe but the truth is that I was broken; I feel lost without him, I still love him, but I fucking hate his guts right now.

I've stopped watching wrestling because at some point I started crying whenever it was on, like I was watching some overly melodramatic Korean drama; I couldn't deal with looking at that face that used to bring me so much happiness, but now all I felt was pain and resentment when I looked at him. At least I still had Biscuit, the one thing he gave me that I couldn't bring myself to give back. Biscuit became my comfort, he always made me feel better from the day he was delivered to me to today; when Lenni can't be around, Biscuit's my ride or die.

Everyone around me is chanting for me to make a wish, so I lean forward and blow out the candles and everyone cheers and showers me in congratulations and well-wishes as I cut everyone a slice a cake, everyone but me because I haven't had much of an appetite for anything recently. Sitting in the living room while everyone else conversed around me, I sat quietly on Lenni's couch with Biscuit in my lap enjoying me petting him. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I get up and follow Lenni out the front door, leaving Biscuit inside for everyone else to gush over.

Sitting on the steps not far from her front door, she and I have a brief moment of silence before she speaks.

"Alright, spill it. What's wrong witchu?" She asks looking at me.
"What? Nothing. Nothing's wrong."
"I've known you since freshman year in college, do you really think you can bullshit me Desi? C'mon, let it out; you miss him, dontchu?"

I sigh and lean my head on the iron bars of the staircase railing.

"I really loved him, like, I was really in love with him. Never in my life have I felt for someone the way I felt for Joe and then to find out that I was his side bitch, like, he was living this double life and I was the dummy that fell for him. Go 'head Len, tell me what you're itching to tell me; tell me I'm stupid, I'm naïve, I don't know a good decision from a bad one because I'm just that dumb, tell me you told me so. Get it over with."

She sighs and wraps an arm around me.

"You're not stupid or naïve. You were ignorant, but simply because you believed in true love and you believed that you found it in him and you should never give up on finding that again because you deserve it. There's nothing I can say that'll make any of this hurt any less but I need you to know that you shouldn't regret your time with Joe. What he did was wrong, so very wrong and he'll forever be on my shit-list for what he did to you, but being with him brought out a brighter side of you that I haven't seen in forever and I'd hate to see that side of you disappear again. You were never the same after your fling with Mike and I don't want you regressing back to that reclusive and isolated person you were after that asshole was done with you. He belittled you, made you feel like shit, he never deserved to have you, but Joe came and showed you what real love was like for a while and he brought you back; please don't leave me again."

I laugh and hug my best friend tightly around the waist.

"I'm not leaving you anytime soon, I promise." I say quietly.
"Are you sure? You barely eat anymore and you've lost some pounds; you don't look like yourself."

I lie my head on her shoulders trying to hold back the tears in my eyes. I knew she was right, I haven't been eating, I've barely been sleeping; I'm not the same person I was.

"I just wanna be okay without a man for once, but it's so hard when one steals your heart and you let him have it even after you walk away. If he doesn't have it, I don't want anyone else to have it and I wish so badly that I didn't feel that way but I do, and I don't know how to get past this. I-I just—"

I take a deep breath before letting some tears fall.

"I don't wanna love him anymore, I don't wanna miss him anymore, but I do and I don't know how to stop; it hurts Lenni, it hurts so fucking bad."

She hugs me with both arms as I sit there and weep quietly on her shoulder, no longer caring about the happy guests in her apartment, partying without us.