letters to the mad

iii.i wish you didn't tell me i was special

as I'm writing this,

I have just finished being fed,

this may be a shock to you-

or an everyday routine.

I'm can never be entirely sure though.

I believe that's one of the reasons you fell in love with me;

my flaws and my electra heart wannabe personality

that matches perfectly your heroic syndrome

I don't know why I'm so fucked up at times

at times I feel like all my favourite fictional characters

some say that the characters you like are usually what you're looking for in a partner

God forbid

my favourite characters were always about me

the deranged beauty queen whose weight defined most of her life

the depressed suicidical boy that was too tired of fighting

I always liked the broken

but I never liked how they were never fixed

(most of them die in the end)

it's this little nice trope that unites them all with real life

it's kind of depressing

but so am I

so it is my fucked up version of beauty

and I sometimes I wonder

I keep calling you a madman for loving me

but perhaps I'm the crazy one here

because I'm writing to someone who I haven't met yet

then again,

you still be mad

mad because I describe of a future so idealistic

a love so pure

yet I choose to take the half of utopia

and kill it slowly

so my dear madman,

if you're out there reading

please don't let me wither so soon