5 hours left…
It’s decided. I mean what is the point? I have known I was going to do this for about a month now. I’m alone again, and then again when am I not. The sun is gradually setting on the row of broken down houses. It is the only thing that keeps my world alight at this moment in time. I’ve tried to find the words to explain, but I’d rather cower away from my problems like a mouse. Rain has begun to pour, it’s lashing down; I guess this is like an indication in telling me what to do.
3 hours left…
It’s finished; not my problem, but the tapes all thirteen are ready to be found. I’ve never realised how dark and dim my room is; it’s quite ironic really. My room is basically my life, dark and dim. Thirteen people have driven me to this. I wonder what their reactions will be like, when my voice suddenly comes croakily out of the speakers. Should I be sorry? I can’t have second thoughts it’s decided no turning back.
1 hour left…
The rain has stopped the moon rays are hitting the pools of rain making them glisten. I trudged down the stairs making as little noise as possible. Creak…stupid floorboards. If my parents wake up, it’s all over. Silently slipping into the bathroom I grab the blade which is gleaming in the moonlight. On my way out of the bathroom I stare into the mirror I feel like I’m starring into my own soul: empty and lifeless. Without a sound I think about all the words people have said: Ugly, worthless, fat, whore. I have come to realise that every single word is right. The bruises that scatter my body are gradually leaving my body. Unless they belong there, but I can’t take the pain anymore.
30 minutes left…
I sluggishly made my way back upstairs, quietly peeking into my parents’ room. They are sleeping soundlessly without a care in the world. That is probably best if they woke up I don’t know what I would do. If I’m going to leave I want to do it the way I want. Not because he can’t contain his anger. Suddenly last night came into my mind…
“Listen to me you waste of space” His hand came into contact with my face. “*sniffle* Yes dad” I whispered almost inaudibly. “You don’t deserve the life we give you and all you repay us with is this” Another punch to the stomach. “I didn’t do anything dad. Please it wasn’t me I swear” “I don’t care what you say you are just worthless and pointless.” He slapped me once more and then turned around sharply and stormed off. I coughed violently and clutched my stomach, letting the blackness over come me.
I entered my room making my way over to my en-suite bathroom. I cautiously turned on the tape making no noise. I lay down on the bathroom floor, thoughts running through my head. I listened to the water as if it was a timer. Waiting for the time it stops; where all the pain will end. I glanced out the window one last time looking at the glittering stars in the black sky.
10 minutes left…
I slowly descended myself into the cool water. Silently sliding beneath the water, I allowed the water to surround my body and face. I came back to the surface for one of my last breaths. Dragging my fingers over the bruises and scars for one last time.
4 minutes left…
I grasped hold of the blade and brought it to my arm. With a final breath I sliced it down my arm. The vivid redness began to pour down into the water. I took the blade to my other arm and with a one swift movement it came into contact with my skin. The redness now mixed in with the water which was once clear. I dropped the blade to the tile floor wordlessly. I could feel my eyes becoming heavy, the sparkle from them gone. I just want to sleep and never wake up. Just before my last breath I managed to softly say “This is your fault”. Then slowly but surely my eyes closed for the last time as I took my final breath. My body going unconscious and not moving. My heartbeat coming to an abrupt halt. Silence overcomes me and everything else.
Just silence.
