Diary of Depression

-END-

No one needs me,
no one wants me,
then why am I here?
What's my purpose?
What am I fighting for?

I'm getting worse
and nobody knows it

I need support and some love,
but no one cares

●●●

The day before ....

Aku tak mengerti mengapa dunia yang seharusnya penuh cinta ini justru disesaki dengan kebencian.

Aku tak mengerti mengapa orang-orang begitu tahan untuk terus terluka jika sebenarnya jalan keluar ada di depan mata?

Maksudku, mengapa harus bertahan jika mengakhiri merupakan pilihan termudah?

Well, jujur saja, aku bahkan tak tahu alasan aku menulis tulisan menyedihkan ini. Mungkin karena aku ingin orang-orang tahu bahwa setidaknya aku pernah ... ada?

Aku memang tak cantik dan tubuhku pun tak sesempurna gadis kebanyakan, tapi satu hal yang perlu orang-orang tahu, aku ini juga manusia.

Aku tak pernah menginginkan hal ini terjadi padaku, aku tak pernah ingin untuk dijauhi dan dibedakan. Yang kuinginkan hanyalah agar orang-orang dapat menerimaku apa adanya.

Is that too much to ask?

Awalnya kupikir aku pantas bahagia dengan hadirnya Harry dalam hidupku, tapi ...

Bahkan takdir pun seolah enggan menyaksikan seulas kurva senyuman di wajahku bersama orang yang benar-benar tulus dan peduli padaku. Mengapa, Tuhan? Mengapa?

Apa aku memang ditakdirkan hanya untuk berteman dengan duka dan kebencian? Sometimes I feel like I really hate myself just as much as people around me do.

Mengapa aku tak secantik gadis-gadis di luar sana? Mengapa tubuhku tak seindah mereka? Mengapa aku tak punya teman? Bahkan kedua orangtuaku seolah nyaris melupakan keberadaanku, mengapa?

Mengapa aku dibenci? Mengapa aku dijauhi? Mengapa aku dimaki hanya karena penampilanku yang tak sesuai standar orang-orang?

Mengapa ... aku harus hidup?!

After all this time ... I see human, but not humanity.

And now, I can't take it anymore. I can't handle all these pains. I'm broken inside, I really am.

I'm tired of breathing, but not alive.

I ... give up.

Mom, Dad, I love you and I'm sorry for not being beautiful and skinny like other girls outside there,

I'm sorry for not being a good daughther for you,

I'm sorry that I could not make you happy and proud of me,

I truly am sorry if I only embarassed you this whole time.

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry for being me.

Goodbye.

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9 January, 2019

•••

Hi! Masih ada yang save ini di library?

Well, this is the final chapter/the official ending of DoD

Gila juga ya ngaretnya, setahun kemudian. Wkw.

But, anggep aja ini bonus chapter bagi yang udah setia banget save cerita ini di library because dari chapter 147, actually itu udah masuk kategori ending, kok.

Alright, see you soon on my other stories! I have a few more stories on my draft that similar to this.

So, if you wanna keep update of my works, don't hesitate to click the follow button on my profile.

Btw, saya cukup terkejut dengan komen-komen yang masuk, like ... I didn't expect that some of my beautiful and awesome readers are related to this story:( I'm so sorry.

I'm so sad everytime I read about you guys holding the same pain (or at least kinda similar one) as the character that I made here.

Well, life is cruel, true, but you know, kita dikasih kehidupan oleh Tuhan karena suatu alasan. Please don't ever say that there is no meaning of life, you just need to prove yourself by doing any positive things around you.

Err, work ini emang berakhir tragis, but please, jangan ditiru. I'm sure that you guys are stronger than Rachel here. Just keep in mind that if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, I'm right here. You can tell me everything, I mean I'm not an expert, but sure I can give you some advices because trust me, I care about you.

Please, never and don't give up on life.

Ah, anw, apa kalian tahu? I have a story draft (that I will publish someday) that worth it to read, specially for all girls out there who always think that being fat/thick/chubby sucks.

The title is Fat Girls are Sexy and the genre would be comedy, romance, and friendship. So, don't miss it!

Thank you! I love you!
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.
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All the love,
❥ ɐuuɐʎuooןsɯ