you could call it poetry

w h a t i a m a f r a i d o f

if someone asks me what i am afraid of, i usually answer "i don't know". and sometimes "of the future" and in those moments it feels like i really don't know. but oh god, do i know.

i'm afraid of going mad. or crazy. of the world slipping away completely.

i'm afraid of not having a future.
of not living.

i'm afraid of the death of the people i love.

i'm afraid of not being happy.

i'm afraid of not being loved.
of not feeling full but empty.

i'm afraid of that feeling like i'm drowning.

i'm afraid of being alone. not in a single moment, but more over all.

i'm afraid of forgetting.

i'm afraid of not being enough.

i'm afraid of being laughed at.

i'm afraid of not feeling enough and at the same time of feeling too much.

i'm goddamn afraid of deep water.

i'm afraid of letting go.

i'm afraid of growing older, no matter how much i want to grow.

i'm afraid of getting worse, of always being stuck in a place i don't want to be at.

i'm afraid of giving up.

i'm afraid of loosing hope.

i'm afraid of loosing my words.

i might be afraid of loosing in general.