Like a puppet

Chapter 10 - Free, but lost

We spent the next days with Max's company, his wife, and their baby. Unfortunately, because of bad weather, it was my parents who couldn't come when fewer flakes poured out of the sky.

After the unexpected arrival of this family, Alex was more telling. He shut himself up in his work. In the garage, there were sometimes nights to repair with always a pretext not to cross me.

Of course, I let it go because I knew it was my fault. He had felt that I was hiding a secret from him. That I hadn't told him all about my past. And that blocked us in this relationship. Or rather, blocked me. I couldn't talk about it so I had an appointment with a psychologist scheduled for more than a month. Thirty days I should suffer this lack in our relationship. I didn't know if we would stay.

Soon at night, I stayed in bed. Alone. Alex was still in the garage. I hid my head under the warm blanket hoping for some comfort. Alex missed me, but I wasn't ready to reveal to him my old pregnancy and especially my abortion. I fell asleep with these sad thoughts that led to nothing.

The sun woke me up from a forgotten dream. I was surprised when I turned myself on the bed to find a man by my side. I thought he would spend the night on the couch and sleep in our bed all morning when I was awake. But he rested quietly while bathing between the rays of the yellow star.
I rolled to the side and stared at him with some distance between us. I reached out to put a lock of his dark hair back. I could admire his peaceful face for a few minutes.

Suddenly he turned to me and ran his hand over my hip. I bit my lip so as not to wake him when he hugged me. Our legs upside down, our bodies glued, my head in his neck, I enjoyed this moment of intimacy.

"Alex, if I tell you a secret, will you keep it for yourself?" I asked without waiting for an answer, but I was surprised to hear one.

"Yes."

"Will you love me anyway?" I continued.

"Yes."

"I am scared. It's a secret I've never told anyone," I whispered like a fearful child.

"What? No!" I shouted, outraged.

"So it's good."

I slapped him on the chest as he laughed softly. He stretched while I got up in a better mood. Alex informed me that he had a client today. He would spend the morning in the garage. Wearily, I went down to the living room. Only Max's wife was sitting on the couch reading a book.

"Where is Max?"

"Oh, he's already in the garage."

"And, the baby?" I asked hesitantly.

"Up. Stan sleeps," she said, showing me the camera.

"Okay."

I sat next to her and didn't really know what to do, I reached out to take the remote, but she spoke to me.

"You know, I can see that you don't really like children," she began.

"Oh Mégane, I didn't want to seem indifferent..."

"Don't worry about that. What I meant was that I already had a miscarriage... So I know what it's like to lose your child."

"Q-what? Why are you talking about this?" I asked embarrassed.

"Because I see your fear and sadness every time you look at Stan. I also had those eyes when I looked at other babies after my miscarriage. I don't know what happened to you, but I can tell you my story.

Before meeting Max, I was with a man... not very frequentable. He used drugs often and sometimes I let him sting me. I got pregnant and since then I stopped the drugs. I managed to get by, but not him. He was always more lacking. Besides, he asked me for money. You know, he was a good man when he didn't take anything..."