Both Sides ☯ h.s au

Four.

Walking down each isle in the supermarkets was somewhat discouraging. People staring at me, I know it’s my tattoos that attract the most attention but I don’t care, I like them, what does it matter if other people don’t?

“It doesn’t matter…” my subconscious once again speaks up.

Mentally thanking myself I grab everything I need, pay for it and get the hell out of there and home before anyone else had the chance to glance at me, judge, then lean over and whisper some rude remark to their friend while signaling with their eyes towards me. Yeah, I notice. It’s not hard to miss when you feel people’s eyes burning into your skin as you walk by. When their whispers sound like screams and their fingers pointing towards me feel like daggers, stabbing me in the back.

Once I am home I walk through the front door, again turning to see my reflection in the mirror, the person who I was beginning to question. I hardly knew myself anymore. Every day has the ability to baffle me beyond words of how I have manages to keep myself so isolated and close off from the world. I knew no one here. Not even myself.

I stared at the man in the mirror who just stared right back. I looked him up and down, seeing his effortless appearance, his scowling face and devilish eyes glaring into my own. Whoever he was is someone I didn’t want to be, but I silently reminded myself the only way I’m ever going to be anyone but the disgrace that stood in front of me, I needed someone to be there, holding my hand while I took my first baby steps towards being a new me. Only thing was. Who?

Continuing into the kitchen I unload all the bags onto the bench, I step back and breathe heavily for a moment, taking in deep breaths and letting them out slowly. Running my hands through my hair I roll my head on my shoulders, feeling my neck crack a few times, relaxation rushing through me. Pushing myself forward I scrunched up the bags and shoved them into the cupboard above the sink. Turning back to the bench  full of groceries I began to pack them away. Putting colds like milk, cheese and vegetables in the single door fridge, the frozen foods into the freezer drawer under the fridge door. Then placing the remainder in fruit bowls and things like biscuits into the cupboard. I bought enough to depend on for at least a couple months, so I didn’t have to go back into the store and face anymore beady eyes burning holes into my skin.

Grabbing a large Pink Lady apple in my hand I raised it up to my mouth, digging my teeth into its weak, glazed red skin, tearing it apart as I pulled a chunk out of it. As I was about to take another for the sweetness along with the sourness of this apple was unusually appetizing I heard what sounded like a fence being shaken. A slight tinking noise could be heard through my narrowly opened window behind me. Turning around I saw nothing.

Frowning I wandered around to the back of my house where my bedroom was, my home wasn’t very big so the walk to my room was short. Entering through the oversized barn door I dodged around the end of my bed before ripping open the curtains only to see a small figure curled up against my back fence, one hand grasping onto the diamond shaped wiring.

Looking closer I could see she had long dark brown hair that seemed to just blow carelessly in the cool breeze. He head was bowed down, making me unable to depict her features. She was wearing dark navy jeans, both knees with rips in them, I guessed they were intentional from their positioning, she had a white shirt on from the look of it with some sort of pattern but from this far away I couldn’t quite make out what it was along with a bright red scarf that hung in a ring around her neck, covering it from the harsh weather.

Grabbing my coat from the hanger beside the front door I didn’t bother to look at myself, I just walked straight out and headed around to the back of my house, not too far from the fence where I saw her. Well I assumed it was a girl, if it was a guy he should look into his appearance a little bit, maybe change up a few things. As I got closer she…the person must have heard me and lifted their head up. Slightly relieved it was a girl. He olive eyes beamed up and into mine, pain flashing through them. Picking up my pace I reached the fence and knelt down to her level as she was sitting on the wet ground not blanketed in snow.