A week before my 19th birthday
My sister told me not to be in any rush to grow up
"Trust me", she said,
"You're only gonna be this age once."
I wanted to tell her how our mother told me
That I was born backwards
A case of Benjamin Button, I like to call it
I'm only growing down
See, before I was born
I was already fighting battles I didn't choose to be a part of
The day I was born it was a civil war
Between my mother's life and my own
They said it was best that we raised our white flags
Said Death
Would be the only friend I ever knew
19 years later
Death still begs me to remember the old days
Laughs like he didn't scratch my door every night
Begging to be a part of my,
"Well, today I didn't manage to kill myself." days
Smiles as he says he'll always be there when I need him
Most days, I'm a survivor
Others, I almost convince myself I miss how he always welcomed me with open arms
Convinces me he's the only one who could ever truly save me
That I don't need them,
They could never understand me the way he does
Never fails to remind me that I can't hide from him
He's the longest friend I've ever had
Made a promise to me, the day that I was born
That he would never leave my side
Said he let me down once but he never would again
Thought I scratched him out of my veins when I was 13 years old
But now that I think about it
Maybe I was only trying to get closer to him
See, he made my mothers boxcutters look like sunsets
So every night I tried to carve the sun into my wrists
Always reminded me how beautiful I looked while I did
Like my skin was a canvas and I was Jackson Pollock
He made me forget the pain, forget the terrors
"Forget them all. I can make it all go away."
So,
Inviting
He whispers in my ear, with a grip around my throat
Because he knows I like it rough
Tells me,
He knows I'm tired from all that fighting
Calls himself home and tells me that I'm homesick
As to make me never forget he has an empty room waiting for me
But I'd rather spend my life dragging through the streets of my mind
Weary eyed, with hundred pound memories on my shoulders
Than ever go back to him
Should my battles last a lifetime
I'll fight until my bones break
Scream until I cough up blood
I understand
He could've made me forget the most painful parts
But I forget that loving him was the most painful part
These days, I'm the one scratching on his door
Beckons me to leave
Says he can't stand my love for the world
Because what has the world ever done for me
Now he's the one afraid of me
And I beg for him to stay
Just to show him
I can carry
Any of his attempts
To tear me down
YOU ARE READING
I AM
Poetrya collection of poetry that only about 3 people have had the opportunity to read idk just READ PLS n don't be mean
