I bet it hurt to see the mansion collapse onto you
See the Persian rugs pulled from under your feet
Stain glass windows shattered
When you found another's skin on the familiar body you called your home
Thought,
How could she let another hold her the way you do?
Or
Lay claim to her laughter the way you did?
Her laughter
Was that of rippling tides against smooth rocks
Replaying on crippling nights with heavy eyes
Comforting
After that,
I bet all you heard was someone else's name in her mouth
Within every breath that she took
Wondered
If it sounded the same when she made love to him
Knowing she used to lay all of her insecurities down for you at your bedside
Every night you touched her
I bet it hurt to realize you no longer stood on that pedestal
Let's pretend you didn't take to the kitchen
Searched for her lipstick stains on your glasses
Because that
Somehow
Made you feel like she was still there
Let's say you found one
I bet it took everything in you not to throw it against that wall
Because as much as you wanted to
She was still your sanctity
So you felt you had to keep every tiny piece of her that you could
I bet it hurt to realize your citadel could no longer hold all of your sorrow
When she became the reason for it
Let's pretend you didn't take to the bathroom
Frantically searching for a hair tie
Or maybe a bobby-pin
Just a small piece of her that said
She still occupied some space in that home
I bet it hurt to realize you were still making room for her
Long after she was gone
And when you got that call
That call that sounded a lot like the earth shattering
That call of
"When can I come pick up my things?"
You didn't recognize the voice
Just an echo of a ghost that now plagued the home
The home
I bet it hurt to call it a home
Wondered how many days she spent there at your side
Before you realized she was already gone
I bet it was something small that broke you down
Like a couch pillow
Or a picture frame
I bet she said it would look good at your bedside table
Or maybe it was something corny
Like
"Even if I'm not there, I'll still wake up next to you."
So you bought it anyway
Because you remember how she lit up when she said that
Like she meant it
But that frame that held the both of you
Now served as a prison
That held your happiness captive in that brief moment
I bet you wanted to reach in and tear that smile off your face
Because you knew one day
It would come to belong to someone else
Someone that would come and break her out of your enamored stare
You never understood how she could feel so trapped in something so
Pure
I bet you wanted to tear your bedroom apart
Rebuild every inch to fit the reality that she was no longer a part of
Let's pretend you didn't think about buying an entire new apartment
Because everywhere you looked
There she was
Or washed the same sheets over and over again
Because the smell of her just never seemed to wash out
Let's pretend you didn't make a hole in the wall
Before you realized you were using the same soap she bought
For the both of you
The one she'd use to wash your clothes
Together
I bet it burned
The way you wondered
When the moonlight in her eyes disappeared
The one that once shined for you
Somehow found it's way into the gaze of another
Did she kiss him like she kissed you?
Fucked him like she fucked you?
Did she love him?
Did she love him like you loved her?

YOU ARE READING
I AM
Poetrya collection of poetry that only about 3 people have had the opportunity to read idk just READ PLS n don't be mean
