LOST [MiChaeng]

chapter 5

Chaeyoung had forgotten how quiet Mina really was.

It was like Chaeyoung was living alone. She would never hear Mina do anything, whether it be walking around from room to room, getting a drink of water, or even watching T.V. Whatever Mina did, it would be silent.

And on top of that, she'd barely talk.

What happened to the Mina who desperately tried to strike up a conversation with me every single day? Chaeyoung thought bitterly, watching Mina cook dinner for them. It had been silently (ha!) decided that Mina would cook for them every day. Chaeyoung usually lived on instant noodles and chips, due to her laziness - she never wanted to actually go to the trouble of cooking food for herself - and obviously, that wouldn't be a proper meal for Mina. So Mina started cooking, and the two got homecooked food every day. Which, Chaeyoung had to admit, was much, much better than eating three cans of Pringles for dinner.

Meal plans aside, Mina just wouldn't speak. She wouldn't talk to Chaeyoung at all. Other than the occasional question of how Chaeyoung's shower worked, or how the washing machine worked, there would be no discussions between them.

Perhaps this was also due to Chaeyoung's hesitation.

She had vowed to herself that she would become friends with Mina once again. But emotions were extremely hard to let go of. No matter what Chaeyoung did, she couldn't forget Seokjin. Even though she had told herself to forgive Mina, it was hard. It made her feel beyond guilty, but again, it wasn't that easy for her to forget something that had haunted her for about a year. And Mina wasn't making any moves to persuade Chaeyoung to forgive her. She wasn't taking action, either. So Chaeyoung had no reason to make a greater effort in forgetting the past and thinking about the future. All Chaeyoung had to do was become friends with Mina and keep her safe. That was it.

...At least, that was what she thought she had to do.

She didn't think she had to fully forgive Mina, not just yet.

But something happened that completely changed her mind.

Chaeyoung leaned back in her chair, stretching. She was just about done with her artwork for the college application. It had been started three days ago - the day Mina arrived - and she had made quite a bit of progress. All that was left was to finish painting the background, add her signature in the corner, and she was done.

She got up, and glanced at the clock. It was 6:47 p.m. Mina would be heading down to make dinner. Chaeyoung felt a bit...dirty, what with all the paint stains on her clothes and the pencil smears all over her hands. She couldn't go eat like this. She had to take a shower, first.

Whistling, Chaeyoung gathered her clothes, heading to the bathroom. She passed Mina's room, and stopped, glancing in to check on Mina. The other girl was sitting silently on her bed, staring at her hands. Silent as always, huh? Chaeyoung thought, chuckling. Some habits would never change. She started towards the bathroom again, when she heard a voice:

"...I miss her so much."

Wait. What?

Chaeyoung quickly backtracked, crouching outside Mina's room. The voice had come from that room, no doubt. Mina was talking to herself. Chaeyoung remembered how, back when they were kids, she'd catch Mina whispering to herself. Mina would only talk to herself in situations where she was scared, or nervous.

Is Mina...scared?

Mina's voice was much, much more clear now. And so were the emotions that she was feeling. "I wish I could speak to Chaeng."

...Oh.

"I wish that I could just go up to her and start talking, that I could go up and hug her like before. I wish I could make her laugh again. I miss her laugh. I miss her voice, her smile, her pout. Everything. But I'm too scared. I'm so stupid...!"

...Mina...

Chaeyoung peered inside the room. Mina wore a sweet smile on her face, the very smile Chaeyoung would always fall for. "I remember how she would always tag along with me," Mina said, swiping at her face. After a moment, Chaeyoung realized Mina was crying - and it was because of Chaeyoung. Again. ...Why am I like this?

"We'd always spend time together," Mina laughed sadly, keeping her head bowed. "I'd always listen to whatever she said. She protected me from...Seokjin, and she was so kind...I swear, I told myself to never forget that moment. I told myself that no matter what, even if I was mad at her, I had to remember what she did for me all those years ago. And yet..."

As Mina's tears built up and spilled over, Chaeyoung's built up emotions melted away, to be replaced with regret, and longing. How could she still not forgive Mina, even after all that had happened? So what if emotions, if grudges, were hard to get over? She'd get over them. She'd forgive Mina completely. She'd do what was right. And just protecting Mina was not right. No, she had to do much more than that.

I have to make sure she feels loved, cared for...

I can't let my feelings bring me closer to losing her forever. Screw what my heart says, it's time to follow my mind. And my mind says to ignore past emotions.

As Chaeyoung, once again, headed to the bathroom, piled up clothes in her hands and a wide smile on her face, she realized something.

She hadn't felt lost in a long time.

That is, ever since Mina came back.

[To be continued]