Drive

iii. strained

     "What do you mean you're leaving?" Julian's voice is harsh—demanding for a more elaborate explanation. But he doesn't really have one. He's simply leaving for college. Brendan can almost see Julian narrowing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as he tells him this. "Are you just gonna leave me, Hart?"

     Brendan sighs, gripping the phone tightly in his hand. He wants to tell Julian that he's doing this for his future, bu there isn't really any way to say it that won't make his best friend think that he's leaving him behind. He hates the fact that Julian can be so damn selfish sometimes. Almost everything is about him.

     He eventually settles with a teasing, "Don't miss me too much." It's better than getting all sentimental. A sentimental Julian is more than enough for the two of them, and he doesn't feel like making the situation even worse. Things might get out of hand if he gets emotional, too. After all, who would calm Julian down if not him?

     He hears Julian breathing in deeply on the other side of the line, and he can imagine all the murderous thoughts running in Julian's head. Of course, they'd all be directed to him. Brendan would probably find it funny if the situation isn't this tense. "You're an ass, Hart," Julian snaps at him. "Pick me up in fifteen. We're going out." And then there's a click, and the line goes dead, leaving him with no choice but to go to Julian's.

     ❖  ❖  ❖

     He pulls up at Julian's driveway at 1:42AM—exactly three minutes late. Brendan braces himself for a scolding from Julian for being late, but none comes. Instead, all he gets is a scorching glare so hot that it could probably melt ice as the dark-haired boy slides into the passenger seat and slams the door close.

     "Careful with my car, Porter," Brendan warns.

     Julian being Julian, the warning goes unheeded and he sharply says, "Drive."

     He's tired of being ordered around, but Brendan tells himself that Julian has every right to be upset and all moody tonight. It's his own fault for not bringing up college arrangements earlier, anyway. Still, that doesn't stop his jaw from clenching as he starts to drive them away from the house. Sometimes he wishes that for once, Julian would not make it all about himself.

     And what frustrates Brendan the most is the fact that he drove all the way here for Julian, but the boy beside him is refusing to initate a conversation. It makes him question why he's actually here.

     "Aren't you gonna say something?" he asks in irritation after five minutes of complete silence, save for the occasional sound of Brendan's fingers tapping the wheel.

     He doesn't look up, but he can feel Julian's gaze burning before his best friend finally utters one word. "Why?"

     "I told you, Jules, college," Brendan sighs in exasperation. "I have nothing else to explain, okay? Look I just—I really want this. I'm sick of this stupid fucking town. I want out. This place is suffocating me. I want to go somewhere where I can... I don't know, grow. Or something like that. I'm sorry that I want to be able to be my own person somewhere else." He doesn't realize that he has started ranting, but even after he says it all, Brendan regrets nothing. He wants Julian to understand that for once, this is about him. It isn't about Julian.

     "You can't leave," Brendan can hear the pleading in Julian's voice, and for a moment he almost feels sorry for his friend. He is sorry that he has to leave Julian behind. But a part of Brendan is glad that he's going to start a life without having to always put his best friend first.

     "Why can't I?" he challenges Julian.

     "You just can't, Bren," Julian begs, his tone defeated now. It's as if he lost all his will to fight.

     Something in Brendan snaps. He's done with everything being about Julian. Every single time, it's always about Julian and never about him. He loves Julian, but he's not stupid—he knows that his best friend doesn't want him to leave because Julian has no one else other than him. And he probably wouldn't give a fucking shit about Brendan if it isn't for the fact that they've been there for one another for years. He's sure that if there is someone else, Julian wouldn't have cared that he's leaving the town.

     And it hurts to think about that, but he tells himself that he knew what he was going to get into ever since the first day he met Julian. He made his decision all those years ago, and he was forced to stick with it.

     But now? Maybe there's a chance for a fresh start.

     "I do what I want," Brendan eventually says, his voice low. He's hardly deadly calm, but when he's furious, this is how he shows it. This is his way of showing Julian that he's done. He's just so, so fucking done with everything.

     ❖  ❖  ❖

     He isn't sure what drives him to do it, but somehow Brendan ends up slamming the wheel and taking a sharp turn. He doesn't feel like driving any further tonight. He's had enough of his best friend whining and complaining and making Brendan always thinking about Julian before he even can think about himself. Sometimes he really isn't sure if he loves or hates his best friend, really. Maybe it's both, he thinks. After all, the line between love and hate is thin.

     Faintly, he hears Julian protesting and shouting at him, but he blocks out all the noise. He doesn't want to hear any of it. Not tonight.

     When they finally get to Julian's again, Brendan unlocks the door. "Out," he firmly orders, his expression taut. Julian stares at him for what seems to be an eternity. He doesn't say anything else, though. He's not going to let Julian talk him out of this. He's done with Julian tonight.  Finally, his best friend—he still can't think of Julian as anything else but that, despite how many times he tells himself that he's had enough, really—unbuckles his seat belt and exists the car, slamming the door loudly.

     And Brendan just sits there, wondering how the hell did he get into this mess to begin with.

     ❖  ❖  ❖

     A/N: Sorry it took me forever to update, but here's the next chapter of Drive! Also, I'm gonna dedicate this to Raissa because she was the one who reminded me of this story, haha.