The Mistakes I Made °Ronnie Radke Love Story°

24

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We finish the song. Sav is really getting the feel of the songs.

Me: Nice job Savvy.

I look back to the guy who is running the recording booth.

Me: Are we cool for today?

Guy: Yeah. Call me in the next few days when you have that next song.

Me: For sure, man.

I lead everyone out of the studio. We are driving in Bran and Ned's car. We go back to the apartment building. I look at my phone. The show is in a few hours yet. We all go up to my place. Ryan is sleeping on the couch and Andy is watching TV. I drop my keys on the table and walk to my room. I sit on my bed. I look out to the skyline. The sun is starting to set. The show starts at 8. It is 5. I sit back onto my back board and curl up into a ball. My phone rings. I look it at. Craig. I pick it up.

Me: Hey.

Craig: So you and Ronnie cool?

Me: Yeah. We are.

I smile.

Craig: That's good. Mom and Dad are coming up tomorrow. Also I get  Leila Rose for a few weeks.

I smile again. Leila Rose is his kid. My niece. 

Me: I am going to have to take that kid shopping! Ask her mom if I can dye her hair! Ohmigod! I miss that chick!

Craig: Calm it! I will call Gabby and ask her.

Me: I wish you two never broke up, I liked her.

Craig: You sound like mom.

Me: Jerk! Call me when they get here.

I hear the front door open. I hear 'Hi's and 'Hey's then my door opens. Ronnie comes in. He looks like shit.

Me: Hey.

Ronnie: Hey.

He lays on my bed.

Me: Are you okay?

Ronnie: Never better

He laughs. I look at his eyes. His pupils where small.

Me: Where have you been?

Ronnie: I told you with a friend.

Me: Well you look like shit.

Ronnie: So do you!

He was getting really mad.

Me: Calm down, Ronnie.

Ronnie: Shut up! Don't tell me what to do!

He stands up. I see a few needle marks on his arms.

Me: Why do you have needle marks on your arms?

Ronnie: Don't look at me, bitch.

I stand up.

Me: Your fucked up.

Ronnie: Your a  fuck tard.

He starts laughing.

Me: Shut up.

He rolls his eyes.

Ronnie: I'm thirsty. I'll be at the bar.

He storms out. I get tears in my eyes. He is on drugs again...

I started crying. Ryan came in my room. I was crying into my hands.

Ryan: What is going on?

I shook my head, and cry harder. If he knows he is back on drugs then Ronnie will get kicked out of the band.

Ryan: Tell me.

Me: I'm not being rude or anything, but leave. Now.

I look at him. I'm sure I have eyeliner all over my face. He shakes his head and leaves. 

I cry till 8. Then Savvy came in to tell me that she was heading to the concert. 

I was so upset about Ronnie I screamed at her to get the fuck out of my room before I suffocate her with a pillow. 

I think she gets that I can get moody. She doesn't look like she is taking it personally. 

I hear everyone leave. I go out and look around. No one is here. I go into my bathroom. I go into my makeup bag.

 I find a old friend in their. A razor. I was bullied when I was younger. I cut all the time back then. I still have scars,

 but no one talks about them. I take it out. I don't know why I carry it. Just for my mental state. I press the blade to my skin. 

The door is locked, so even if someone comes home they won't find me growing week again. Blood starts to flow out.

 I cut a few more times. I sit on the floor and lean against the bathtub. I cry. How could Ronnie do this to me? To himself?

 He is risking it all for this drug, again. Blood drips on the floor. I stand up. I fill the sink with water and stick my hands in.

 I watch it turn pink. I go into the drawer under the sink and get band-aids. I put them on my wrist. I grab random bracelets and put them on.

 I go into the bedroom. I strip down and change into some yoga shorts and a tank. I crawl into bed and fall asleep.