The Girl He Used To Know (completed)

Chapter 19

With shaky hands I opened the doors myself because there were no guards which was way out of usual. I walked inside and no one was there. It was like I just walked into a grave yard. Even I could hear my own breathing. Then my senses kicked in and I ran towards elevator. Throughout the way I only kept chanting one word in my head..
Zack please be safe...

As I got out of the elevator I was surprised to see almost all the staff in here. The elderly women were crying, even Clair looked like she's gonna die any moment. Without thinking twice I made my way towards the door... His door. I slowly opened the door and got inside. Every member of his family was present even Anthony was here. Jenna was standing like a statue in the corner while the faint cries could be heard in the background. Holding my nerves I walked towards her.

"What happened?" I asked as soon I reached near her. She looked at me and suddenly broke down. Her sobs were terrified. It was that feeling when you know that you are doomed.

"He died Emily... My son, my baby's no more." Just at that moment I felt warm liquid on my cheek. Is that a tear? Am I crying?

I was numb, couldn't feel anything. I slowly moved around to see him and surely he was there, lying there with a peace all over his face. As if he had just escaped his demons, all of his pain. I was walked towards his bed and gently held his hand. Cold... His hands were so cold and there were no signs of life on his face. I bend and left a gentle kiss on his cold forehead. A tear slipped from my eye and landed on his cheek. Then I finally gave out all the pain, anger, thirst for revenge that kept bubbling up in me with time. I cried like a child and I let all the pain in me flow out through my tears.

I never got the chance to say him goodbye or sorry for the pain I caused him.

His funereal went well but I couldn't feel anything. Although the people were really confused why his caretaker was this much sad but right now but I couldn't even pretend to be happy.
Anna said sorry and I accepted cause I knew it was not her fault although I was still angry at him. I was finally back to my old place. Jenna was not pleased with this idea of me going away but I had to. I got to know that in addition to the letter he also left a small box for me. It's been a whole week after his death. Today I felt the need of reading his letter as I was sitting in my bed. Carefully I took out the letter and the little box. I opened the letter as I was afraid that it will torn and I will not be able to read his last words....

To my Emily,
I hope you are reading this cause I know you hate me but please read this with open mind. In reality I don't even know from where to start this messed up story. The first thing I want to tell you is that I was not the FATHER of your child. I didn't raped you and I'm not the reason for your parents death.
And I know that you are not Emily but Emma, my Emma.

The tears blurred my vision. You think I would be feeling grateful of this revelation but actually I was hoping against hope that he was lying. I cannot live with this dark regret knowing that I killed the only person I love without any reason. But why a dying man on his deathbed would lie, it's not like he have anything to lose. Why didn't he stopped me if he knew that I was gonna kill him?

That day when I kissed you, I just couldn't stop myself anymore. To having you so near but couldn't touch you just ate me alive. Although you changed yourself completely, completely heartless but couldn't change the way you smile, the way your eyes glistened with excitement every time you saw food. I know food is your weakness. At first I was not sure but by the time I lived with you, I knew that you are my buttercup. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought you died but here you were. It was just like the time was repeating itself. The way when you first time came to me was same like that day of your appointment. The only difference is that you were married to me. You came as my wife.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought his wife was someone else he loved and now actually I was his wife
but why can't I remember all of this?

Yeah Emma you are my wife. I could see the curiosity in your eyes every time I mentioned her, actually I loved how you would tense and try to hide your jealousy but it showed anyway. I thought you hated me and just a mere thought of you heating me would burn me alive.

We married to each other because of some business complications. Your father's company was falling apart so my father made a deal with your father that he would support your company if you marry me and you agreed because of your father. You were always a great daughter from the start. You could do anything for your family. Well the only thing I have to say is that we hated each other. We were just like water and oil which couldn't mix with each other. Honestly you irritated me to hell. I only thought of you as a spoilt brat. Whenever I returned to my penthouse, I would see you sitting on a sofa and watching cartoons. I just couldn't wrap my head around the theories of  cartoons and when I asked you about remote you would always just roll your eyes at me. I still remember how you 'accidentally' pushed me from the couch. And then of course our fight on bedsheets. You wanted more while I also struggled with keeping it over my body. As a conclusion, we really hated each other but with time I never realised how much I started liking you. I was dependent on you. Not seeing you would make me feel like burning inside. I was madly, deeply and frustratingly falling in love with you and by the time I realised it, it was too late. I was so jealous of the way that little friend looked at you. You said he was your friend but you never knew how he looked at you and one day I became so furious that I shouted at you to stop hanging out with him. Yes I shouted at you and I felt so horrible after that. But when I came to say sorry to you I was surprised that you  followed my advice and instead of probably hating me, you gave me a hug which I remember to this day. You tip toed to your feet and cling to me like you would fall any moment. Anthony also started taking interest in you but I told him to back off and he did, he was always afraid of me. After that day I laid my heart to you and just said , 'I love you' I was afraid that you'll feel disgusting but the shy smile that broke on you face said otherwise and it was a beautiful reply. I kissed you that night and boy was it good. It was like I just tasted heaven and wanted even more. Emma from that day I promised that I won't touch you until you are 18 but I will be the only one to take your innocence. It was not my child Emma, hell I even never touched you, but you became pregnant and never told me. I think that was the time when everything started stumbling apart. It's just like a blurry nightmare in my memory. I remember him. I thought he was my friend but that bastard stabbed me in the back. He raped you. You never told me because you were afraid. It's still kills me to know that I couldn't save you from that monster but that day when I came home you were gone. I searched for you every where and then one day I found a body on the road side and its face was smashed we thought it was you but you weren't. The picture of that bastard is in the envelope. I just wish I could save you...

Now i was even tired to cry more. I could keep my breath steady. But why didn't he stopped me? Why? His next lines answered my question but also hit me like heavy bricks..

I know you might be thinking that why didn't I stopped you it's because I wanted to be with you and it was the only way. There are somethings which we want but can't get in this life. I would never get you in this life even if I wanted you. You have blood cancer Emma. You had this disease when I married you but I never knew that it will hurt me this much. I took you to many expensive doctors but as the medication was discontinued it grew inside you. You are in the last stage and its incurable now. You roughly have a year Emma and I want to be with you. Just remember this that I love you and I'll be waiting for you so don't consider yourself alone, I'll always be there for you my buttercup. I can wait for you for a year but not my whole life waiting my life to be over and get to you. Just don't be afraid. If not in this life than we'll meet in the next life. I just wish we had some more time to be together....

I was crying my eyes out but not because of the fact that I had last stage cancer but because his goodbye was so sad. I felt oddly happy because of the fact that I was gonna meet him and I wasn't even afraid of dying now.

I opened the envelope and looked at my medical report and then my eyes fell on the picture of my rapist... That bastard!