Gone

12

The cuts on his wrists are new. I cant tell by the dry blood that stains his precious skin. My heart sinks into my stomach and I feel like breaking down. It is all my fault that he did this to himself.

“Harry?” I say nervously. He looks at me tiredly and confused as to why I am interrupting the movie.

“Why?” I say as I grab his wrist to show him. As he looks down he quickly pulls his wrist away and stands up. I stand up too and wait for an excuse.

“Those are old.” He lies. I roll my eyes and I feel a tear drip down my face.

“No they are new and I know what new cuts look like so don’t you fucking lie to me. I caused this didn’t i?” Harry looks at the ground unsure of what to say. He doesn’t say one word to me at all. I go into the bathroom leaving him behind and as soon as I enter I start to cry.

I don’t care if he hears me I am tired. I am tired of all this shit. We haven’t even dated for a year and here we are dealing with drama. I know that I have to be there for Harry but it is hard because I can barely be there for myself.

I wipe my tears and walk out of the bathroom to find that Harry is standing in the same spot I left him, he is staring into blank space. In this moment, I knew Harry was sick. Not sick ‘sick’. I walk up to him and hug him, partially because he not only needs one, but me too.

Thoughts rush through my head and I wonder why Harry is like this all of a sudden. An hour ago he was happy and jumpy and his adorable self but now…… I don’t even know him. Would if he really was the one that needed help and I was just there not helping at all. It is all confusing and I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up.

“Harry listen to me okay?” I say to him as I pull him towards the couch. He allows me to sit him down and he doesn’t look up.

“Why are you acting this way?” I ask him. He doesn’t answer for a couple of seconds. He starts to cry and he starts shaking vigorously. He pulls his knees up to his chest and rocks back and forth. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes and I have to hold them back. I have to stay strong for him.

“Harry-“ before I can say anything Harry interrupts me.

“Who are you?” he asks. I take a step back in astonishment and look at him. I let the tears fall.

“Harry its me your girlfriend. Its me Ireland remember?” I hope he is fooling around. I don’t know what is wrong.

I cant just let him be like this, I have to call his mom. I reach for his phone in his pocket and go through his contacts to find his mom and I cant find her name. He might have put he contact by her first name but I don’t know hr first name. He hasn’t told me anything about his family really. Instead of sitting on the couch dumfounded I decide to go downstairs to the front desk to see if they know her.

As I enter the elevator I look back to find Harry no longer shaking, but instead he is staring into blank space. After waiting for what seemed like forever I am finally in the lobby.

“Hello miss how may I help you?” An old lady asks me kindly. I fake smile at her and look down.

“Um my boyfriend Harry Styles lives here and he said that his mom helps pay the bills……. Do you think you could give me her number by any chance?”

The lady sighs and takes her glasses off. “ I am sorry miss but that it personal information I am not allowed to give out.” I groan in annoyance and look into her eyes.

“Look lady, you can fucking call the cops on me or whatever but I need that number my boyfriend isn’t well and I don’t want to fucking sit here watching him waste away. I need to notify his mother immediately and you are just preventing me helping him.” She looks at me wide eyed and sighs in defeat.

“Harry’s mother died 3 days ago……” When those words leave her mouth I don’t bother to even say thank you I bolt up into Harry’s apartment to find he isn’t there. I search around his small living room and soon his bedroom too. When I enter his room I hear crying and I follow the sound to the bathroom.

There he is. He is sitting on the toilet seat with a blade in hand. His wrists are dripping with blood and the ground has little puddles of it all. I take the blade out of his hand and put it on the counter. I soon grab a paper towel and wet it. As I place it on his wrist he tries to pull away but I don’t budge.

I cant leave him like this. I need him to be taken care of and not only by me but a professional. I know I would hate if anyone did this to me but he needs this badly.

 

 

5 days later

5 days. It has been five days sense I put Harry into a institution for suicidal people. I regret it and I am happy he Is safe. I am unable to see him for a month and I have been waiting for that day to come. But I  know that when I do see him, he will not remember me. The doctor said that they don’t know why he cant remember me and they are trying to figure this out.

“What are you doing here Carson?” Tori asks. I look up from my magazine to see Carson in the door way.

“I came to pick up the things that I gave you.” He states rudely. Carson and Tori both broke up and I am so happy that Tori came to her senses. Carson hasn’t bothered me lately and I am thankful for that.

I walk up the stairs behind him to go to my room but before I can shut the door he steps in.

“Where is your lover boy?” he asks with a grin on his face. I don’t answer but instead I try to leave the room. He blocks me and locks the door so no one can get in.

I stay quiet not giving a damn about him and I sit on my bed and take out my phone. He walks over to me and hovers over me as he smashes his lips into mine. I try to push him off but he is too strong.

I haven’t kissed someone in a while and to be honest I missed kissing Harry. Although Carson’s touch isn’t as sweet as Harry’s I am still letting him do this.

I know I shouldn’t let him do this.

I am lonely and confused.

But I still let him.

 

 

 

 

 

CARSON AND IRELAND WTF OMG

 

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while but I am back now! Comment and vote please!