Dear whoever you are,
I was told by someone you probably know to write to you. I'm calling you "Whoever you are" because she didn't tell me your name. I'm not even sure if you're real or not. I knew that she was the first person who really understood what it was that I was going through. I was told by her that you'd understand, too, and I'm telling you because I trust her. So here we go.
My name isn't important right now. I don't know if you've ever heard of me, because I tend to stay in the background. Every once in a while, you might hear my name on the intercom, assuming that you go to my school. "Report to Mr. Baker's classroom to pick up your homework." Do you know Mr. Baker? He's pretty cool, I guess. I like him enough.
I listen to old music, and she does too, so don't laugh because I assume you already knew. Right now, David Bowie is my favorite. I think my favorite song by him right now is "Space Oddity." Have you ever heard it? It's so simple, yet so complex. It's a conversation between Ground Control and Major Tom. I like Major Tom because he's so cool. I sound like I'm five.
Listen, I'm pretty sensitive, so please don't call me names or laugh at me, because I already get that a lot from people at school. But hopefully I won't be dealing with that anymore. I'm going to High School and I'm nervous. I don't want to continue being that shy, gloomy kid that hates dances but still goes. That hates talking and never speaks up. That kid with the potential to be something great but won't be. I'm too scared to come out of my shell. But hey, new year, new school, new life. I just wish she could be there with me.
I have depression, and yes, I'm on pills. Zoloft two times each day, morning and afternoon. You'd think I'd forget to take it sometimes, but no, I don't often forget. The first time I started to take it was about 4 years ago, and I'd forget all the time. Suddenly, the world didn't seem so wonderful anymore. I would stay up late at night thinking about things and it was destroying me. I didn't care. What did I know, I was only 10.
Back to things I like. I like drawing, but my art teacher says it's not good enough. Well, he doesn't say it, but he doesn't compliment my work or put it in the annual art show or anything, so I guess I'm not good enough. Oh well.
So my best friend is, well, her. I don't want you to tell her this because I will eventually tell her. I love her a lot and I miss her. She's not dead or anything, just gone for the summer. Her parents are divorced, as you know, and her dad takes her during the summer. How I hate her dad. He hates me, and I hate him right back, He calls her a loser and is always mean and hostile. I bet he has a drinking problem. I've never seen him say "I love you" or hug her. What kind of father does that? Mine doesn't. No wonder her mom left him.
I had a dog but he died. I'm not really over it. He was my closest friend and I loved him. He was always there at the door waiting for me and he slept in my bed. I think he knew when I was sad, because he'd come over to me and put his head in my lap and once I started to pet him, he would jump up on me and lick my face. I told that dog everything and he listened. He was a dog, and he wasn't scooby doo, so obviously he wouldn't talk back. He listened though. I think he understood me, because he seemed to nod his head at me as I spoke. I miss him.
Anyway, my summer's gonna be boring. Mowing the lawn, stuck in a house with no AC all summer. Mr. Warner (I'm not sure if you know him either) gave me some books to read and some movies to watch. He's cool like that. He understood me, too. I'm gonna miss him.
It's easy for me to get carried away, so if my letters get too run-on, please go with it. I'm fragile, remember? I don't' expect you to respond to everything I write. I don''t know if it's gonna be a back and fourth thing yet. I haven't figured it out. Maybe you're gonna be somebody who I can just talk to. Share my feelings with you, and you don't have to write anything back. I don't mind that, that could be cool. I just need somebody to listen. And if you have anything to say back to me, say it. I'll listen. I'll care.
Forever yours,
W
