Perfect Flaws

Prologue

As hours turned to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years, everyday was becoming the same. I lay there for hours. Just thinking, letting my mind wander, all the way into the past. I've done wrongs, but everyone makes mistakes. So why do they hold my past against me? I wasn't born to be perfect; no one was. So why do they expect me to be? Well, I've figured one thing out, there's no pleasing these people. I was a fool to even try. Welcome to reality.
Those long days, where it becomes too hard to breathe, that longing pain in my chest, it asked for only one thing. But I never really got to it. It seemed as if Fate didn't want me to have it either. I guess it really was too hard to get; or was it because I looked too hard? Maybe if I left it alone, I would have gotten to it. Now, it's too late. What good is it going to do to me, beating the past?
I've learned my lesson, or should I say, that I've been constantly taught this lesson. But I paid it no attention, letting it breeze by me as if it had no existence. And now I'm facing the consequences. The beatings, the hate, the abuse, the self harm, everything is the result of that which has been done. I've lost because of my arrogance and ignorance. It wasn't supposed to be easy, this journey called life, but who knew it would become unbearable for the soul? Yes, sure, I'm alive, but I'm barely breathing. I just pray to a God that I don't believe in; hoping that one day my prayers will be answered.
Is it my fault that I have lost all faith; most certainly not. There was a time when I would sit and speak to my Lord, with the belief in my heart that He will give me what I ask for, but in the end, well, it was not what it seemed. As time went on, everything stayed the same. Was it that I lacked faith before? No. I lacked the love, and although I asked, I never got nor earned. At one point, I'm bound to break and lose it all, am I not? It only comes naturally. I have lost all control.
It feels like I'm coming crashing down and at the bottom, there is nothing but jagged rocks. I land on them, and feel nothing more than pain, and my eyes have opened. Realization hits me and I begin to surface out of oblivion. Everything seems to become more obvious. And I see that truly, I was blinded in my happiness, which has now turned to disgust, wrath, and hatred. I see the whole lot as it is, the way it is, and it makes me sad. It's as if no matter how much I care about people and their problems, the nicer I am the less they seem to care about me. And what hurt the most was that the one to change was you.
I tried to fix it all, make it right, but now, I've lost all faith in changing you; you are who you've become. I can't make you who you were in the past. And it hurts to know that you've changed so much. I would do anything to have you back, but that would be asking for the impossible. And asking for the impossible...it won't ever be fulfilled. No matter what limits I go to, I'll always be in denial. It's hard enough already, and now to have to deal with you? I wish it was easy, but it's not. It's all more than complicated. And now, I don't know how to deal with it. It won't hurt to come back will it? I'm not the type of person that's going to move on.
It's not as easy as people make it seem; moving on. Everything is easier said than done, and most people fail to comprehend this, although, living in the reality of this world, it is quite obvious. But then again, our population loves to strive in oblivion, away from all the worries and sorrows. And then there is little, young me, who sits around, moping, having absolutely nothing better to do than to let all my troubles and regrets seep and soak into me. Why of course this brings me absolutely no good, but what can I say, emptiness and time does this to you, do you not agree?
Sometimes, it seems as if I sit and speak to no one but myself. As if my words vanish into the thinness of the air, and then I, myself begin to disappear into the nothingness of the world. Slowly, little by little, I deem to believe that there is nothing more than material, as if there is nothing beyond it. And that is where I go wrong. The spiritual world...this life matters not. It is what we will achieve in the hereafter that will bring us the true success. But who is to teach me these rights and wrongs, to bring me out of this void that I have come to live in? No one; no one but me. Only I can fix everything, no matter how bad or how hard it is. The only problem is, I won't fix it.
I mean what need can their possibly be? It's not like I matter the least bit anyone or even anything. Whoever I turn to, in the end it seems as if they were only there for their own benefit. But what good could they have possibly gotten from listening in on my problems and issues? Everything that I went through, how could it help them? Is it that they were bored with their own lives, and saw the excitement in my devastating tale? Did it bring them happiness and joy? Or was it just a way to get to me, and leave me stranded in the middle of the ocean, and then watch me suffer as I drowned within my depression? Was it fun? Tell me, was it?
Whatever it was to you, I hope you enjoyed it and got what you wanted. What else is there that I can possibly say? I was born to please others; to be the way they wanted me to be. I was born an original being and entity, unique in my own way. But as I grew up, I became what they wanted me to become. And slowly, I lost that little girl that I once called me. Even then, I didn't stop. I allowed others to puppet me around, and then poison my strings; watching me tremble as the acid made its way towards my flesh. It burned. I won't lie, it killed me inside. I hid the marks that it had made, trying to show others that it didn't really matter to me. When on the inside, I knew my world was coming hurling down. 

I hope you all enjoyed reading the Prologue :)  I'd love to read your comments!

Chapter 1 is next!