Meanings

My Last Name

My name. My name has no literal meaning. It is like nothing. It is not like the spellings close to it. It belongs to my family.

My name does have meanings in my family. Meanings not purposely made, meanings that are not one to admire, meanings to stay away from. My family's meanings is a pattern that is followed, passed down from one generation to the next. There is no escaping the meanings. Right now I have a meaning. In the future I have might have more. I hope not.

There is a rumor that my family's name changed. An "el" to a "le". This is a rumor that will die soon, the truth known only from a great in my family. The only person who knows whether the rumor is true.

What if the rumor is true? Is that another meaning? Did someone do something so bad that a name was changed? My name... changed?

Meanings that keep me away from a cousin I never knew I had because she had those meanings. I was being protected from those meanings that she possessed. Meanings that blacken my family's name and caused unfair judgment onto my dad. Meanings that almost prevented me from having my current family that I love.

These meanings, my families unwanted meanings. Alcoholism, drugs, depression, divorce. These meanings will not define me. I will break away from the one I have and leave the other meanings. I will keep the good meanings that my family's name has and create new meanings. Meanings that will last longer than the meanings threatening me. Meanings that we can be proud of.