Nicholas Grey Must Not Die | ✓

4 | Alright

"The cage I was in fell away when she asked me to dance again"

~ BRIGHT (Mind of Mine)

(THE WORD RAPE IS MENTIONED A FEW TIMES IN THIS CHAPTER, BUT NO DETAILS ARE USED AND NO DESCRIPTIONS ARE WRITTEN)

His words replayed in my mind at slow speed over and over again. I stood frozen, unable to respond. My hold on his face loosened while his grip on my forearms tightened. We stared at each other for too long. I was sure he could see all my emotions as I tried to process his words. The surprise came first. It was followed by the fear that the accusations may be true. My mind lingered on the fear and I could see he understood. 

He closed his eyes, letting go of me. He took a few steps back, causing my hands to fall to my sides. The air grew thick with discomfort and awkward silence as Nicholas turned his back to me with his head in his hands. An aura of sadness had taken over him, surrounding him with a vicious dark cloud. 

I still stood frozen in shock and in fear that the boy I once loved had turned monstrous. I forced myself to breathe, to give life to the courage to say what I needed to express. "So did you do it?" I bit out. 

I knew immediately that it was the wrong thing to say. He seemed beyond devastated by the allegations alone, as though he couldn't comprehend that someone believed he'd done them wrong. My words of disbelief were another layer of accusations that I'm sure he didn't expect. 

He turned to me with such broken eyes that I almost cried. "Would you believe me if I said no?"

I took a moment too long to respond. My mind was amidst a serious debate on the nature of my answer to his question. I wanted to tell him that I did believe him, but I didn't want to feed him a lie. 

Taking my silence as my answer, he nodded. "If you wouldn't believe me, Iris, then no one will. Everyone will believe them. It's their word against mine."

My eyes widened, his further revelation adding to the shocking blow. "There are multiple girls accusing you of rape, Nick?"

He let out a long breath. "Yes."

I blinked, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. "Nicholas, you have to understand how bad this looks. It's hard enough to say one girl is lying but multiple? It's almost impossible."

"Don't you think I know that? I know no one will believe a word that comes out of my mouth that goes against theirs." He spoke with diligence, almost as if to not hurt the character of his accusers, which was quite interesting.  If he was telling the truth, they would then be conspiring to ruin his life. If he truly believed this, that would make him one heck of a gracious man to talk so carefully as to not injure their reputations. 

The words I spoke, however, failed to express the internal issues I fought. "Then why are you denying it?"

At that, his eyes sobered. He looked as though he'd concluded that I believed his accusors over him. He stared at me quietly for a moment, studying my hardened features. Then he spoke more softly, his tone emotionless. He'd built such a strong wall between us in seconds that I feared I'd gotten a whiplash. "I'm denying it because it didn't happen, Iris. I don't know how to phrase it to make you understand. I don't know how to say it to make you believe me. I have no evidence of my innocence because I never thought I would be in a position where I needed to prove I didn't sexually force myself on multiple women. I understand it's ludicrous of me to even suggest that one accusor is lying let alone multiple, but it is the only truth I know. I expect no one to believe me, especially you, especially after what happened between us" he stopped to take a strong breath in, "I understand if you want to leave if you feel unsafe being in a confined space alone with me."

Before I could even understand what was happening, he took long and fast strides to the front door. He swung it open, taking care to not make any sudden moves that might scare me. Then he took a step back, catching my eyes with his own, which held no emotion for me to read. "I'm letting you go, Iris. Please, if I make you fear me in any way or if you doubt me the slightest, you should leave and get to a place where you can be certain of your safety."

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as I listened to him berate himself as if a jury had already declared him guilty. My head started shaking automatically in denial of his words. I walked to where he stood. Reaching for the doorknob, I observed him take in a sharp breath as I closed the door and locked it. I turned to him with earnest eyes, willing him to make eye contact with me. "Nick, I'm not saying I absolutely believe these accusations, but you have to understand how you look right now, which from what you've said, you seem to understand. But the accused is innocent until proven guilty and I honestly believe we should follow that in our social lives as we do legally."

He blinked, unphased. "You truly believe that?"

I nodded. "It's not common for rape accusations to be false, Nick, it's highly rare; I think less than two percent. But it doesn't mean it's nonexistent."

"How can you be here with me right now if you believe there's even a chance I can harm you?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. I knew the tactics he was playing. He was closing me off after opening up only so briefly. I needed to ply away all the protective barrier he had surrounding his heart. Maybe then I could get to all the truth he was sitting on.

I let out a humorless chuckle. "My dad trained me to physically deal with and handle anyone who attacks me. He trained me all through middle school and he's still training me. If you were to try anything, I'm confident I would be able to adequately defend myself. So, I'm not afraid of you, whatever you may or may not have done."

"So where do you stand?"

I sighed. "I stand with the law, Nick. I need evidence before I can support anyone. Right now, statistics stand on the side of your accusers. It'll be very hard to prove otherwise even if it is false."

He let out a loud laugh that didn't seem to match his eyes. Though, it was as if the laugh escaped him.

My eyebrows narrowed. "You disagree?"

"That was not the response I was expecting from you, that all," he shrugged, his laughing nature gone from view.

My eyebrows narrowed further. "You expected me to immediately be on your side?"

This time, he actually laughed. "Hell no. I expected you to believe that I did this, with a hundred percent certainty."

I gave him a sad look. "I'm not that type of person, Nicholas. You would know that had you not left me stranded three years ago."

He sighed, sounding defeated. "I'm truly sorry about that, Iris. That's all I can say right now; I don't what else I can do or say to make up for my actions then."

"You can tell me why you left," I said bluntly.

"I don't think you want to hear that after the load of crap I dumped on you five minutes ago," he argued, shaking his head. He ran his fingers through his soft hair, messing it up even further. 

"I think you should tell me because you told me about the accusations. Don't you think I deserve to know why you unfriended me if I'm going to attempt to stand by your side after all the details come out?" I asked him openly. I wanted answers and I wanted them now. Our useless back and forth needed to stop. 

"Are you sure you want to know?" He pressed on, his voice stern. 

I nodded. "I've been waiting three years, Nicholas."

He stared at me intently for a while too long. He seemed to be studying all the crevices, the curves and the features of my face. Then he met my eyes with his and all I could see was the sincerity that bellowed above the beauty of his eyes. "Alright."

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