I wish I could tell you something. I can't though. This thing would make you so much easier on me, so much nicer. I can't tell you though.
I am a perfect candidate to cut myself.
We read in health about cutting, and all I could think while reading it was "That's me." I can't remember the whole thing, but I do remember a part where a sibling has had some sort of disease usually. Remember when Emily was a few months old and she got that blood disease?
It also said, "Has been taught to keep their feelings in." Whenever you get mad, I usually go blank. I don't get mad a people, just annoyed. l seem happy all the time and I apparently never stop smiling. Are you seeing the similarities, or is it just me? Even when you ask me to express my feelings I back away, and start stuttering, becoming silent.
I don't cut. I would be too scared to.
I did bit my lip once until it was bleeding though when you yelled at me for a while. Thank god for Harrison and Rachel.
I wanted to commit suicide when dad got mad at me for not folding clothes.
I believe I am in some sort of depression.
I wish I was not pressured to be: perfect, a good older sister, a role model, amazingly smart about everything
because people can't always be those, you want me to be though. it's like I'm some superhuman, I can always be amazing.
Sometimes I just want to be ordinary. struggling with school, having fun, being happy.
Because I'm still imperfect. I'm ugly, irresponsible, a failure, too skinny, too happy, shy, pale, stubborn, self-centered, a horrible person, bony as shit.
Thank god Harrison, Kevin, and Rachel try to convince me differently.
Hopefully if there is a heaven, I don't go there. I would rather be in hell where they are more acceptive of imperfections. Hell is for the imperfect. That's where I belong.
Katie
