Park Jimin-- Faded Away....

Illusion

Sweet spring afternoon. A cold gentle breeze's blowing, making my hair strands hit against my face. I miss him putting those strands behind my ears, touching my cheeks with the finger tips, bringing me little goosebumps under his soft strokes. Sitting on the same bench, wearing this ring he promised and put on that night is now making me miss him more, and i hated it..

I still recall every moment- very clearly- that moment of seeing him for the very last time... And then he left me alone, so alone that I lost the wish for feeling alive, anymore...

"Did you ever even think of me? Did you care? Guess that you never meant anything, and you actually didn't care. Just like you never did," choked. Lost the guts of supposing, lost my utter sanity... Everything around happened to be disappeared in a blink of an eye, shattering my entire world, and I kept falling from so high to so low. And all again, I was left behind all alone...

Flashback to past

"I think it's time to leave for the sake of both of us. I don't regret anything. You're the one I always cared about, you were precious. It was too hard for me to decide but- I want you to be fine. You'll be a beautiful part of my life and I'm glad about it. You'll be missed. Take care, and you'll be happy in life soon. Love you"

Flashback to present

"And I loved you more, that you never knew....", murmured.

In no second, a tear-drop falls into my cheek. I begin to rise my hand to weep it off, but before I could do it myself, suddenly a pair of hands made me stop. I could feel the warmth of those hands.. His hands... As if he's just sitting on his knees right before me, taking my hands into his, brushing his thumb to weep it off. And then saying,

"Shushhhh.... Don't cry?! You do know I cannot see tears in my precious's eyes. Such a crybaby you are hmm." He smiles off softly.

"Why...Why did you do this to me? How could you forget the words you gave- How could you unsee the promises we made, together? Why did you leave me alone here? Why Ayd- Why???"

I screamed with all those agonies I treasured deep inside since long... keeping it hidden from ownself, from everyone, from the whole world.

"Nah. I never left you, sweet. Nor I broke off our promises," he smiles again and cups my cheeks, "I'm always here residing within you, inside your heart, right? No more tears, you'll always keep the smile on, it suited you the best, promise...?"
He kisses my forehead, then rests his on mine. His words eases my anxiety, erases the ache in second. I close my eyes to feel him, his each and every breath...

"MOMMYYY??!!!!"

My illusion breaks and I find myself back to that reality again when I, no we, came here. I let out a sigh of denial and grief. My eyes for now are searching for the voice, here and there.

"Mommy?!!" I hear that voice again and my eyes finally catch him running towards me. I bring my hands out to get him, our son- Jay, an adorable toddler of 5 years.

"Jay! Hey sweetie what happened?" I ask softly.

"Mom. I lost my Frisbee in the bush. Will you please help me out to find it?"

"Sure. Show me the place then."

" Wait. Mom, are you crying?" His baby eyes showed visible concerns and worries.

"Me?! No, hun." I try to smile for instance.

"You better mom. Coz you do know I cannot see tears in my precious's eyes," he says with a lil stance and then giggles.

Exactly that same way of saying, deja vu hits me out of the blue. I couldn't resist myself pulling him into a warm tight embrace.

"I won't, hun. I won't, no matter what. Never leave me alone, okay?" I release him and brush his bangs with my fingertips.

"I won't, mom. Don't be sad, I love you," he kisses my forehead, like the same way his father used to do.

"I love you more, hun," I smile and kiss him back and then we both start walking.

On the way of return, I turn back for once to find him- standing right there, smiling and waving at me, at us.. I do the same and wave back at him and then...everything fades away....I turn in front, holding Jay's hand and start walking again, thinking of everything new....leaving that place, leaving back my paranoias, leaving him behind too..........