letters to my older self | 100 days, 100 letters

01 | dear choices

Dear future,

            You are probably thinking that letters are so cliché and outdated. More outdated for you than for me. But still if you are reading this, I suppose it is because you came back to get something you lost along the way.

"To be or not to be, that is the question." Do these words sound familiar to you? Ever heard of them? Well, I am certain that if I have then you would have too; but human memory works in mysterious ways.

William Shakespeare's Hamlet; Act III Scene I. That's where I picked these lines from. I am no poet or writer (as for now at least) and there's no way I could have come up with that.

You, for that matter, must hold more potential. I am positive.

Anyway, so coming back to the phrase or quotation- however you put it- I would like to tell you that I disagree. I disagree to what it says and stands for.

The choice is not between living or not living: being and not being; achieving or not achieving. The choice is between doing or not doing.

Doing what you dream of; what you aspire to; what your heart says; what you've stored in the "maybe one day" shelf; what the society refrains you from; what you think you are incapable of; and lastly, what you'll regret never trying.

The choice is in between following heart or brain; following the masses or self; following fame or peace and following struggle or ease.

The choices today are different from the choices tomorrow. The choices I am making today will affect you.

Since you are a part of me— not me completely, just a part.

Because people change everyday. They certainly do. And that change is what keeps us going.

I would say I am sorry if my wrong decisions made it difficult for you; but I am not sorry. Remember, my decisions - whether right or wrong- made you what you are today.

Not matter how you are or what you're doing, I'd like to say that I am proud of you— you've come a long way.

I'd like to say sorry too.

I might sound so courageous right now. Writing a letter to you. But why am I jotting my emotions down?

Probably because I am too afraid to take actions on them right now.

Probably because I wanted to remind you why I didn't do certain things. Why I failed to chase my dreams.

I took an easy way out, and only you know what it led to.

My dreams are difficult and the success is seldom, but maybe I should have taken a chance, who knows?

Anything can happen.

I have too much to lose, and too less to gain. I chickened out, shoved those voices away.

One day though, I hope you could forgive me, and make the choices I failed to.

Yours truly,
The failed.

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What is the one choice you wish you had made?

Love you,
Anshita. ❤️