Double Crossed(Jardougall)

5. Dinner

A/N Towards the end of this chapter Jenna and Michael (New character) talk sort of negatively about mental illness(specifically the ones they have) I just want you to know that that is in no way how I feel, but you have to remember that they are both in a very bad place right now and can't see that people are just trying to help them. I don't mean to offend anyone. Having a mental illness does not mean you're crazy. 

I end up wearing the stupid black dress Alex and Jack picked out for me. Even though it’s super uncomfortable. I didn’t call Alex to let him know that I was okay and by the time I got back to my house they were gone. I hope he’s not mad at me. All of my friends have been acting weird lately. Or maybe it was just me. Maybe I’ve just been acting weird.

When Tay gets home she rushes to get ready, throwing on a dress and touching up her make up. She looks me up and down while she sits on the countertop , adjusting her eye shadow.

“You know you should try some eye liner sometime,” she says, without looking up from what she’s doing. I’m slightly taken aback; we’d been together for three years and not once has she told me i should put on more make up. In fact she used to tell me that was one of the things she loved about me; that I didn’t need makeup to feel confident.  

I don’t feel so confident now.

“Why?” I ask without really thinking about it. But after I say it I regret it; I don’t want to know why she thinks I suddenly need makeup.

“I don’t know. Angela does her eyeliner really well, it looks so pretty. Like seriously perfect. It would look good on you too, I think,” she says. I don’t think she realizes that her words feel like acid in my ears. I swallow hard.

“You’ve never thought I needed makeup before,” I point out, looking down.

“Yeah I know. Just thinking about a change, you know?” she says like it’s nothing. Like she’s not telling me to dress more like someone else. Someone better than me.

“Maybe I don’t want to change,” I mumble before walking out of the room. My throat burns and my chest feels heavy. It shouldn’t hurt that she’s mentally comparing us. It shouldn’t hurt that it seems like Angela is winning. I mean we’re engaged. So I won right? I twist the ring on my left hand, spinning it around my finger. I wonder how it would feel if I had to take it off. Tay comes out of the bathroom before I can do anything with it, smiling at me.

“You ready to go?” She asks, walking towards the front door. I follow her out to the car, where she holds my door open for me. I step into the car, laughing at her.

“So where exactly are we going?” I ask, looking over at her. She shrugs, turning around and pulling out of the driveway.

“Some italian restaurant,” she says and then turns on the radio. It’s on a pop chanel, one that I didn’t know Tay listened to. She starts singing along to whatever is playing.

“Isn’t this song great?” she says, bobbing her head to the beat of the song. To me it doesn’t sound like anything special; just a generic song about partying. As far as I knew Tay didn’t even like pop, it didn’t have enough “meaning” for her. Usually if I tried to play anything like this she’d change it.

“I thought you didn’t like this kind of music?” I ask, raising an eyebrow and looking at her. She shrugs her shoulders again.

“Eh, I don’t normally. But at that party we went to Angela suggested I listen to them. They’re pretty good,” she says. I frown. When I recommend music to Tay she doesn’t listen to it but when Angela recommends something she looks it up immediately?