Double Crossed(Jardougall)

10. Sun and Stars

A/N A/N First off there’s smut in this chapter. Second, shout out to wine-drunk-lover.tumblr.com for talking to me about this is a more critical way and giving me ideas without even trying and darknessrelents.tumblr.com for being like the best fan ever. Third, the ending to this is weak as shit okay Fourth, I totally stole the whole sun and stars thing from Game of Thrones so credit for that goes to George RR Martin because he’s great and cruel.

One of the main reasons I like coming to the lake is that it’s peaceful. But it gets even better at night. All of the stars come out and they reflect on the lake; everything is quiet and calm. Which is why I’m here, at ten-thirty at night, sitting on the hood of my car. I haven’t seen Tay since the party last night. She didn’t come home and then I left for work before she had the chance to come in today. The rest of the day I’ve spent here, just thinking and looking at the stars. I can hear a car pull up, but I don’t bother looking up. It doesn’t matter to me.

“Hey,” Tay calls, stepping out of her car. She stands next to the drivers side of her car, just staring at me. I don’t acknowledge her though because it hurts just to look at her right now. She waits for me to respond running her fingers through her hair when I don’t, “Michael told me you’d probably be here.” Traitor.

“Jen?” Tay asks, standing on the opposite side of the car. I don’t look up at her, it’s easier just to continue staring at the sky.

“You know, I’ve always loved the stars,” I reply, ignoring her. I can hear her shuffling around, dropping her things on the ground and sliding on the car next to me.

“Jenna,” she says, but this time she’s not looking at me either, she’s stares at the sky. It relaxes me, staring at the sky. It reminds me that the universe is enormous and that whatever problem I’m dealing with, in the end it doesn’t really matter. Nothing I do in life will ever be that important so I don’t need to stress over it.

“I love it when they’re this bright,” I say, mostly because it’s the only thing that comes to mind; I don’t know what to say to her. When did everything become this hard? I don’t remember any of the fairy tales ever ending like this.

“Jenna,” Tay says, more firmly this time. She turns on her side, looking at me now.

“Some of them are cool enough for a human to touch, isn’t that amazing?” I say, ignoring her again. I know it’s pointless, she’s going to keep asking until I answer her for real.

“Jenna!” she yells, more demanding now. I sigh, glancing over at her and looking back up.

“Yeah?” I question, forcing myself to sound nonchalant. I know this is going to get serious, but I don’t want it to. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to think. I just want to be.

“I’m not cheating on you,” she says, bluntly. She reaches over, touching my arm. I don’t stop her, mostly because I don’t know how many more chances I’m going to get with her like this.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” She asks and I know she wants me to say something else, something that will make this all better. I just don’t know what that is.

“What do you want me to say?” I ask. She groans aggravatedly, sitting up and pulling me with her.  

“That you believe me? That you don’t? I just want to know what you’re thinking,” she pleads with me, like i have all of the answers locked up in my head. I shrug and shake my head a little bit.

“No you don’t. I don’t even want to know what I’m thinking,” because most of the things I think about are dark and sad and maybe she does want to know what I’m thinking, but I don’t want her to know. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe we spend too much time locked inside ourselves that it’s impossible to be close to each other. Things were easier before we put up electric gates around our thoughts, ones that even we can’t touch.