IMPORTANT!!!!! This is what really happens, but i made it out to be funny and mean (i.e. comedy) so i WILL say some horrible things. Please don't take it the wrong way. IT's just meant to be funny. Please enjoy my story and tell your friends to read this! :D
I think my uncle is an anarchist, except he's a Jehovah's Witness. Or maybe that's the problem. Seriously, i mean, i know I don't follow the rules the best, but Oh My Goodness, Jesus Christ Super Star! It's like rules don't exist for him. On top of that, I think he's linearly challenged. There's a line dividing opposing traffic for a reason. SO YOU DON'T DIE!!!! One second we're driving fine, the next, we're driving reverse in the turn only lane. Oh, and i forgot to mention that there are other cars behind us. If that's not bad enough, he likes to stop randomly in traffic, even if it's on the highway. Oh, but once he's moving, Watch Out! He wont yeild to anyone, even the old lady who spent 3 hours crossing half the street. A curteous honk is all you get before he runs you over. Oh, and he drives a manual. You might as well have giants chasing our car around. hitting us with bats for how smoothly he drives.
That brings to my attention where we live. Whenever we drive back home to poor district Pusan, we have to drive up 45 degree(if not more) angled roads that might as well be 90 degrees. I've heard his car run before; its unnatural. It kinda sounds like an abused wife wailing "stop, please god stop." In fact, every second I fear the breaks are gonna go out on us. Wouldn't THAT be a fun ride. I would be less afraid if you held a GUN to my head. Actually, i considered it. I'd rather shoot myself then go through all of this.
Then there's eating. Maybe he thinks eating is a game, except he's playing all by himself, because everytime we eat he tries to be the loudest and make as much noise as possible. I bet he could make noise eating pudding. If it takes me minutes to consume, it takes him seconds. My ears are past bleeding point. Bleeding you can stop. They're at permanent retardation point. There's not even a chance to unperforated my eardrums. Everytime we eat I wanna shove chopsticks into his tiny, puffy, vagina looking eyes. Then he wouldn't be able to take pictures. Now there is a god forsaken thought.
He is OBSESESSED(?) with taking pictures. It's like every time i exhale, "Nuhtashia, Churishchun, sajin." OMFG. Seriously?! That's why they invented photoshop. So you can use one picture 80 different times. Maybe you can take a picture of us plummeting to our death once the brakes give out on your car. NO! Stop it! Don't just do something without asking me. I'm not a retarded infant! Oh thank you, make ME spend money on all of us so we can do nothing but say we've been to Shilla Millenium Park. We can't see the temple? Isn't that the point of going somewhere? To see things? Wait wait, why am i drinking blended tomatos? That's just weird. Blended vegetables in general is just a bad idea. I take that back, if you wanna vomit it's a good method, but then you'll get accused of being bulimic. Even hardcore vegans would rather eat baby cows than drink this concoction. But you're trying to be nice...GODDAMNIT SHUT UP!!!!
Living with him is like an elaborate game of Marco Polo through a mine field. You call out marco, and they give no reply, so you're left guessing what to do. Are we doing this? Nope! you are wrong. They just say we're leaving, then Ta-da! We're at a random place we didn't know we were going!! Even when we ask we're lucky to get an answer. Its kinda like slavery, except they went to a better place. And it's irritating when we meet their friends and the friends ask if we know korean. Of course I don't really, but Tristan does if you speak slowly, but apparently that translate to emobu(uncle in korean) as "just a little bit" Apparently it's enough for him to understand you're undermining him...
