182 Days Of Beautiful Disasters

Day 15 ; greed and Guilt

'and loving her seems tiring , so boy just love me ...'

" no way , you can't be serious , I have to see for myself to believe" he was dying of laughter on the phone , he couldn't believe that I drink from public fountains every time I see one . "don't underestimate my craziness" I said playfully , "I dare you to do it when I see you" , he challenged . "Fuck you , I don't even know you why should I accept a dare from you?" I chuckled . "you're chickening out I see ?" he mischievously said.

"never".

"we'll see"

And then we both burst into laughter and in between the breath catching I said absent mindedly "did you tell her ?" I couldn't bear myself to say Ramona's name anymore . he knew what I was talking about and said sheepishly "no .. not yet , cause we uh .. fought , she has been too busy and we barely talk anymore"

I tried to keep my curiosity unnoticed , so I 'smoothly' asked "why, what happened ?" , not really wanting to hear him talk about her .

"I don't know but I guess she's been so distant lately and she ignores my texts and calls most of the time" , he said with a sigh , and for a second there I felt guilty for the fact that every neuron in me was running in a meadow from happiness . "so I guess it is not really the suitable time to tell her" he continued.

I wasn't even sure anymore if I wanted him to tell her about me.

If he told her , they'd break up , and I can't live with that burden.

If he didn't , there's a chance they stay together even if they face conflicts , but I can't stop myself from wanting him .

I was torn between two hills , a chance for me to have a future that would be built upon other's ashes , or a chance for him to have a future built upon my broken heart . I loved him so much to the point where all I cared about was for him to be where he could reach his full potential , even if he thinks that place was with Ramona.

But I also wanted no one else but me to be the reason of his happiness , and that's when I realized . I wasn't making him hate Ramona , I was just making him love me better .

'someone told me stay away from things that aren't yours , but was he hers , if he wanted me so bad ?'