Baggage.

10.

  Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you.- Loretta Young 

As I lay in our bed ,I found myself thinking about how my life had did a whole 360 degrees within 2 years,I must say came a long way.

Flashback

My family once was a happy family Mom , Dad  and Me. We lived in a big house in a nice neighborhood with neighbors who treated me like I was there daughter. One day everything went horrible , My dad had a past that he would regret.He was a Drug Dealer, not any plain drug dealer but a Drug Lord . People wanted my dad spot and all his money , but he wasn't going to give it up to anybody.

This day would seem as normal as possible till I had gotten dropped of by our driver. I had walked into the house and seem my mom in chains , my dad was laid up on the flood and Trey was in chains. I didn't know what to do so I began to scream , and next think you know i'm being knocked out and tied to a chair. Once I had woken up I seen the big guy with a gun to my dads head , I heard my mom and brother screaming  for the guy not to shoot my dad but he did. Before he did my dad mouth these 3 words to me "I LOVE YOU" . The killer said to us that the only reason he kept us alive is because he only kills the people who he wants, he isn't one of those guys who just wipes out the whole family. I was grateful that I wasn't killed but I was hurt that the only man I loved is now gone.

A week had passed and we had the funeral , for some reason isn't was closed casket , I was trying to figure out why it wasn't an open service but , I just really missed him. That one week didn't feel the same without him, my mom didn't look the same but me being a kid I didn't really take a lot of notice to it. As the days had gone by we were seeing less and less of Trey , I was missing my big brother so much, I had lost my dad and now my brother they where the only make figures I had . I just had prayed that my bother was safe.

2  weeks later

These two weeks had been very crazy , my mom would come in at all times of the night with a different guy every night. Me being young didn't know what the difference and thought they were her friends and that's why she was bringing all types of guys in. One day she had came home with another man , I heard yelling and her screaming, so I went downstairs and seen him huddled on top of my mom. I tried to get him off of her but that only led to him screaming at me and saying "get off of me bastard " and slaps me. He looked over my body and told my mom "I want your daughter" she looks at him like he was stupid, but then something happened she began to smile at him.

Next thing I knew I was walking to the bathroom to go take a bath. My mom says to me " If you love me then you will let the nice guy touch you". I didn't really understand her because I was young. Once I finished my bath she put some sexy panties and bra on me. See as a child I was always plum with big hips & full boobs so it made me look grown . She put perfume on me and laid me on the bed and said "it might hurt at first but after it will feel good." Once she had left I came face to face with the ugly man.

"Cindy you got a pretty daughter" he smirked

"Thanks" she smiled & left

He came closer to me & started kissing on me with his dirty mouth. I screamed so loud that he slapped me to shut me up.

He whispered " it's going to feel good"

I felt the most powerful pain I have ever felt.
My innocence had been ripped away from me at the hands of my mom and her addiction.I laid there crying while he stuck his shaft into me,when he was done he decided he wanted to put his mouth on my pussy after five minuets he licked his fingers and say you taste good. I didn't know how to feel about that , I felt dirty I couldn't understand how my mom could have fine this to me .

This rape lasted about until I was 14. One day my mom even joined in the rapping .I wanted to tell somebody but I was scared nobody would believe me. I was wallking home from school when I noticed I had pain and my period hadn't come in 3 weeks, next thing I knew was that I had blacked out. I woke up in the hospital with iv in my vains and a nurse checking my temperature.

"Your awake , How you feel ?" The nurse asked

"I feel good , can you tell me whats going on?"

"I'll get the doctor  okay."

"Hey Ms.Aaliyah "

"Hey Doctor , why am I here ?"

"Well you are 4 weeks pregnant , I'm going to let you go in 2 days because i've noticed that your blood pressure is very high and it can cause some problem with the baby, I notice you didn't come with any family."

"Yeah my dad is dead and my mom is at work"

Oh okay well write your mom number and I'll leave her a voicemail"

"Okay"I said as a wrote down Trina number and had texted her and told her what happen.

"Okay thank you doctor"

2 days later

Once I left the doctors I grew some balls and went to the police station and decided to tell the police what had happened over the years and they had arrested my mom and the man . Come to find out the guy who had been rapping me was the man that killed my father and my mom knew about it. So they had gotten what they had deserved to rot in hell.

I started to rub my four month old belly and thought to my self "How ? How am I going to take care of this baby?" I know my god would make a way for me . I said a silent pray for myself and my soon born baby.

As I was walking down the street to the small me and my mom had , my pants start to get bloody and I went straight to the phone and called 911. About 2 hours later the doctor came in and told me I had lost my baby . I cried and cried for hours , about the thought of my baby being gone just like that. I told myself that im going to be something & do something with my life.

One year later

I started my first year of high-school at North Miami Senior High my first year at that school was hell , because of my weight and I couldn't really afford flashy clothes. That didn't stop me from doing what I had to do within my second year I had gotten a job and started saving I also had gotten a letter sent to house stating my father had left me some money I was forever grateful, once I had enough money I starting stunting on these girls. By the time it was my junior year I had two jobs, a car , and my own apartment and I was living my life.

I looked at Jay as i told him , my whole past. This man was there for me when I pushed him away he has made mistakes in the past but we are humans and I loved him for that and that he never left my side. The only thing I could say was thank you JayVon.