Who Am I?

My day begins just like every other teenagers life in Highschool, with dreading the day the moment your alarm clock goes off. With alot of grunting and sighing and heaving, I pull myself out of bed and drag my pathetic morning body to the shower. As another teen, you know what else must be done. Lets just skip ahead and let you get to know me, yeah? Well, my name is Michael and I'm 15, a freshman in Highschool with a screwed up mind and an awkward teen body. I'm like alot of teens, longish hair, acne, contacts, and skinny but not bones nor pudgy. I'm not exactly popular in or out of school and I'm not very social. I don't really communicate with my family or the few friends that I do have. But, seeing how this is a story about me, lets gets going with it.

About 4 years ago, I was fresh out of a private Christian school and not very educated in the teen language or slang. As I made a couple of talking pals, I learned about masterbation, fun. The new knowledge of this led me to curiosity, which killed the cat, and led me to look at inappropriate things on the Internet. My parents never found out it was gay things. Off topic, my parents are extremely religious and do not like homosexuals. Not on bit. So I was terrified that try would find out sooner or later. Thankfully, they didn't. As I became more, how should I say, open with it(in private), I worked up the courage to do it on other devices instead of my iPod because it now has restrictions on it to this day, and because I had a technical mind as some would say. I became more discreet and smart about it, learning the ancient technique of deleting my history. I saw many images of gay things which I was turned on by, but I never knew what that meant. I always thought to myself," I can't be gay? Can I? No! God wouldn't want me to be!" Well...needless to say, I had so much guilt on my chest that I went to the extremes and threw my DSi XL away, which I was looking at all of the stuff on with, and I repented as any Christian would do. But the dreams and guilt lived on.

Now we come to the present. In the past I had at least six girlfriends during my three years of Jr. High, but none really liked me. But what did I know? I'm still learning shit to this day. I always considered mysel to be straight, but all of that changed when I started to date a girl named Shelby. She would always compare me to her GAY brother. But I didn't see any resemblance between me and him. We were both human. We both weren't perfect. I thought she knew about my past. But how? I shook off all the thoughts I had about it and looked forward like I should always be doing. As time went on, we got into alot of fights and one day, she drew the line by spreading a rumor around the whole school, which my brother attends with me and has the same views as my parents, saying that I was gay and she was my cover up. I was so hurt and broken and infuriated that the next time I saw her, I was to make a scene. She tried hugging me and I shoved her away quickly and yelled," Fuck you bitch! Don't try and act like nothing fucking happened! I thought you were different but I guess that's a lie. Get the fuck away from me and never speak to me again." That's how we broke up. I went to my third period class and balled my eyes out because all of my friends looked at me differently and my Christian friends would just look away from me. I had at least twenty of my friends come to me with pathetic faces and ask if what they heard was true. No matter how many people I tried to tell it wasn't, or how many times I had to explain what happened, my effort never layed off. It's now the last week of school and I still hear of it circling around. But it's changed in my view and other people's view alot. About in the month of November, I had come out to my friends about me being gay. Which was t all a lie, I didn't think vagina looked appealing to me, but dick turned me on on a whole new level. It was weird, being around the people that knew I was gay. It was awkward and hurtful to hear then explain to people that I actually came out. And to hear Shelby point and yell out,"I knew it!" was the most humiliating, most down putting statement I have ever heard. I was never the same.