Who Am I?

My Family's Problem

My family is amazing, don't get me wrong. But they can be pretty damn religious. They always tend to say things to me that is quoted from the bible or some life lesson they learned. I listen, but not like they want me to. I love god and going to church and learning the gospel, but I tend to hate the subject of homosexuality.

Off topic: Before I made the decision to become gay, I hated it as much as I hate Obama. You see, being brain washed by my family for 14 years really changed my views that I had apart from my church life. They always tend to be bilical. My family does not like gay people, nor did I. I'll explain later.

Anyways, my family doesn't like homosexuality, nor do they like to talk about it. It infuriates me to think that they can hate something they don't understand. Living in Texas doesn't really help the fact that we are the most republican state in the US and the most arrogant. But aside from that fact, us, as human beings, are entitled to our opinions. So why couldn't I have mine? Good question.

In the Christian beliefs, sin is anything that isn't godly nor something that Jesus Christ would have done. And the punsihment for sin is going to hell for eternity then being cast into the lake of fire after the judgement throne of god and the rapture, etc. And in the bible, it says that all sin is created equal and that god hates all sin and that all sins are, well, sins. Homosexuality being a sin, or an abomination as god puts it, is treated equally such as a white lie, they both are righted by being punished in hell. So, therefore, continuing, man kind is able to get into the kingdom of heave by: A-admitting you're a sinner, B-believing Christ died for you, and C-confessing with your mouth your sins. It's that easy. I've said the prayer, I repented. I've done what I needed to do to go to heaven. So why do I feel guilty about being gay?

I'll tell you why. It's because it's a sin. Even though it says in the bible that once god comes into your life, there is no taking him out. It still troubles me because I want to get into heaven easily, not with my ass on fire. Being a sinner is human nature, not thanks to Adam and Eve, but it is, as a Christian, our responsibility to push out our earthly feelings and put godly ones in. I make mistakes daily. No doubt about it. There's no actual way to avoid it. It's just human.

But being gay and Christian is possible. Not smart, but possible. If you're gay and Christian, truly a Christian, then you are going to go to heaven but recieve more judgment from god. And that scares me. But it is possible. Also, as a Christian, you must love your husband or boyfriend or wife or girlfriend as you love god and Jesus. And you mustn't base your relationship off of sex only. Have a godly one. Not a worldly one.

Anyways, back to my life. My parents would always talk shit about gays and it would stick with my brain up until Highschool. I found out alot of my friends were gay. And, damn this bitch, but, Shelby opened the doors to me finding my true sexuality. I may have hated her for it, but shit, I know who I am now. Or do I?

The bad thing about these last few days I have in school is that I have really been feeling the guilt press down on me shoulders and so I try to find answers. But I can't find them, naturally. But now that I know I like guys, how am I supposed to automatically like girls? it wouldn't make sense. So seeing as to why my life is complicated at the moment, I'll tell you something. I'm not gonna date anyone until I know my answer. Whether from my pastor, my youth leader, or my Christian friends at school. It may take time, but shit will it be worth it. And how will I know when the truth will finally reveal itself to me.