Flawless Fiction

Fireworks Don't Fade

My sex trance was over, and logic began to settle in. PIllow talk and playful words were gone the second my demand hit the air. The harshness of my tone made my heart contract and I suddenly wanted to take it back--but I wouldn't. I needed to know; she had dodged my questions far too long. So, I wouldn't ask anymore--I would insist on being told. 

"Tell me where your parents are."

I heard her breath catch, I felt her panic. I dug my nails into my arm to remind me to keep my mouth shut. I bit down on my lip hard enough to draw blood and I still craved more pain. Physical pain usually helped, but nothing in the world could have distracted me from the pain I was probably causing her. My mind was a tangled web of indecision and I loathed every corner of it. My entire body felt like it was screaming and the second I felt like I was going to scream at the top of my lungs her voice penetrated my mess of confusion. Her shaky voice gave me sanity. 

"I think they're dead."

"What?"

"I think my parents are dead..."

I had no words. I searched every part of my brain for words that could fix this or make her feel better but I didn't have a single one. My mind began to race and I suddenly wished I was 18 and we could move somewhere and live together and be happy. But being a lowly little kid, there wasn't much I could do. Where would she go? I fought back tears at the thought of her moving in with another family member, away from me. Then I screamed at myself for being so incredibly selfish. 

I pulled her into a tight hug, which is what I should've done the second her words glided off her lips. I let my hand play with her hair and traced cursive letters on her back with my fingers. I began to form words--love, apologies, hope, wishes, heart. My tears wanted to fall but I forbade it--I was going to be strong. For her. She was my everything, the least I could do is hold myself together. Unsure of what to do, I began to mumble things, such as "Don't worry love, it'll be fine." "It's all going to be okay, I promise." But mostly, I told her that I love her over and over again. 

The warmth of her body combined with the feeling I got when she was pressed up against me drowned me in relaxation. I had to fight to keep my eyes open, which was different, with me being an insomniac and all. It was exhausting going from holding back tears to fighting sleep. I pulled her away from me so I could look into her eyes. She was crying. I brushed the tears off of her cheeks and kissed her. 

"Do you know who your legal guardian is supposed to be, babe?" My voice was soft, gentle, as if I was afraid to scare her off. 

She shook her head, and I asked, "Well, do you have any close family members?"

She shook her head again. My heart skipped a beat. I wondered if my parents would allow her to stay with us. Sleepovers every night sounded pretty great. Although she would probably want her own room...wouldn't she? I wasn't sure. I was getting extremely confused and I had no idea what to do, so I just stopped thinking. I told myself it would get figured out eventually and that I needed to calm down. 

"What do you think you want to do?" I looked at Alyssa with compassion, knowing how difficult this must be.

"I don't even know," she said with a sigh. "When do you have to be home?"

"Should I ask...?" I let my sentence trail off, like I always tend to do when I'm uncertain about something. 

She told me I should and my mother said she would pick me up in an hour. I planned to bring her inside and talk to her. Alyssa had to go somewhere and I was going to do everything I could to make sure that somewhere was with me. I didn't care if I was being selfish. I wanted her to be safe, with me. We sat in her bed and cuddled and talked until her doorbell rang. I felt anxiety take over instantly and had to take a deep breath. Alyssa hugged me tight and kissed my forehead before taking my hand and leading me to the front door. I loved when she held my hand. I combed my fingers through my tangled hair and opened the door.