188 Days

[2] Monday Sep 17, 2017

(My mother is right... I deserve whatever I get)

(He will come back for me) I kept telling my self to keep it together.

I soon realized that it's not true.

Truth is he's never coming back.

He left.

He left and took my dignity with him.

What an asshole thing to do.
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I couldn't sleep all night thinking about what my mother had said to me.

She has no idea what happened 

no one does

and there they go judging.

Here I am standing by my locker at school and 'the guy who went MIA since stealing millions of dollars' is now the talk of my high school.

"Bev what the hell, your mom told me you testified" said my annoying best friend next to my locker 

"Well I had to Bryce, I fit the characteristics of this guys accomplice" I replied back annoyingly  

"What's with the attitude Bev, god take a chill pill, it sounds like your stressing about this incident"

"I'm not dummy I just don't know why people talk when they don't know the whole story you know?"

"Well I mean... do you know the whole story?"

"No" I reply nervously

"Well there you go, so how do you know someone isn't actually telling the real version"

"I just do ok can we drop this, I'm late to fourth period anyways"

"Catch u at Lunch?"

"Maybeeee" I say running down the hallway

I lied... I wasn't late to fourth period truth is I was gonna ditch fourth cause my teacher wasn't gonna show so I bailed. Besides what better way to skip school.

I walked half a mile to Castaway Dinner and asked for a milkshake

I sat down to think

It was my senior year and all I could think about was Carter.

Everyone was so caught up about prom, graduating, and college.

I used to be caught up on that too you know cheerleading and partying... not anymore it's all just a memory

A painful memory of the one person I one loved

We were complete opposites Carter and I

He was shy but also bad in a kind of of mysterious way
I was outgoing and too good to do something bad

He was independent and didn't need anyone yet even though he was lonely he didn't care
I was needy and liked the company I wasn't cut out to be alone

He preferred to go out and ride his motorcycle on Fridays until he didn't know where he was
I preferred parties and bonfires with friends

He didn't talk about his past or how he ended up living with his older step brother or how he got those scars on his back
I never asked cause I didn't care, I didn't care because i didn't need to ask him ir know.  I felt something about him. Something about him that was different from everyone else.

So tough yet so fragile

See that's the thing with him n I we were meant to be

One for the other it was just supposed to be that way

Two complete opposites that in the end weren't so different because they both wanted one thing
To Be Loved

Now all of that is BS.... it's all for nothing
I was wrong before
Love is just a four letter word that one Day means something and the next it's worthless

I guess I should have asked him when I had the chance why he took me with him that last day. Why me? Why did he leave? Why didn't he take me? Why hasn't he called? Where is his stupid older step brother? ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS...

I ask myself almost every night after I cry myself to sleep 

"Thanks for the milkshake Pops" I say as I leave the dinner

I get free milkshakes here because Pops is my grandfather and that is his dinner!! It's the heart of the town you could say. He's 83 and still runnin this place my family however wants nothin to do with it so i guess when he dies he'll shut the place down.

Such a shame 
I love those milkshakes it clears my head
I love to just sit here on top of the counter and think 
It clears my mind you know
I can't help but think about him
If he's alright
We had so many plans
Guess he's gonna through with them alone or
     with someone else

I sipped what was left of my strawberry milkshake, left a $5 tip to my grandpa and left.